Paging Dr. Zizmor

When the subway gets epically cramped, sometimes it helps to just laugh out loud, or, if that doesn't work, poop your pants, because nobody's coming within five feet of you then. Or you could just concentrate on the ads, like the dude behind Paging Dr. Zizmor

From a surprisingly not-homeless dude who rides public transit just to scope the ads (and stay warm), this blog defies the corporate sponsorship creeping into our subways by offering commentary on local 'verts that are infinitely more hilarious. Choice excerpts

The ubiquitous, Technicolor Dr. Zizmor: Was "Your Cardiologist" ever seen on TV? The answer is "no", unless it was on PBS. Go with the pro, and your skin will be all the colors of the rainbow

A montage of folks holding up "E" hand signs for Earth Day: East Side. West Side. As any Crip or Blood will tell you, none of that matters when the Earth hangs in the balance. Unfortunately, no one asked them, so here's a fireman, a guy with a bike, some kid Sally Struthers wants you to adopt, chicks of several different ethnicities who for some reason haven't been locked in to an exclusive contract with Benetton, some dude with tattoos who's probably in Fall Out Boy, a pedophile and his victim, and the worst actor on Entourage

An ad reminding riders to give seats to elderly/pregnant passengers: Sadly, if confronted with the above situation (both a pregnant and an elderly passenger), your head will spasm more and more violently until it finally explodes in a scene reminiscent of Scanners. Which came out 30 years ago, making anyone who actually remembers it dangerously close to elderly themselves, and thus eligible to hold onto their seats despite the aching entreaties of stupid pregnant women

And if you spot something that's not up there, whip out your camera, because the site's also accepting hilarious submissions, which, if you keep pooping your pants to clear out some room, is something a transit cop might put you in, too.