And lo, Mayor Anne Hidalgo crossed the Seine and descended upon the Place du la Mairie with two tablets and a bottle of red and gave unto the people of the City of Light a list of 25 commandments, which if followed, the citizens of Paris may live happily with no public transportation strikes, never step in dog poop, and always find a good baguette.
1. Have thine favorite bistro
Preferably within close walking distance of your apartment. The staff will recognize you, and may even know your name, sort of like Cheers, except classier and with more boeuf bourguignon.
2. Accompanyeth tourists to the Eiffel Tower
But never go there under any other circumstances. Except for 14 Juillet fireworks.