Lifestyle

Don’t ever be these 12 Paris tourists (... or the 1 local)

Don’t ever be these 12 Paris tourists (... or the 1 local)
Anna Brones

Paris is a mega tourist destination, and if it wasn’t for the visitors, the economy would certainly fail. But you can be a tourist or you can be a traveler, and you can guess which one of those will get you a better serving of steak frites. If you want to keep your obnoxiousness to a bare minimum (the fact that you’re not French has already put you off to a bad start), make sure you don’t find yourself on this list. Consider yourself warned.

1. The Moulin Rouge lover
No locals go here. Hell, there aren’t really even any locals that dance here. And if you stand outside obnoxiously taking a selfie with the windmill in the background, prepare to get run over by a moped or taxi.

2. The asshole who apparently didn’t look up how to say bonjour and merci
Whatever man, we know you know.

3. The couple that buys a padlock to put on one of the bridges
Awww... how vomitous. 

4. The 20-something who goes to Irish/British/Aussie pubs
If you find yourself in this situation, then simply make your way to Gare du Nord, buy a ticket, and to go to London, because you seem to be confused about where you are.

5. The urbanite who raves about the Metro
Saying how much you love the Metro is like telling a New Yorker stuck in the Lincoln Tunnel for the fifth time in a week "how wonderful the brickwork is". 

6. The Segway rider
This actually applies to all cities. 

Don't ever be these 12 Paris tourists
Anna Brones

7. The foodie who thinks any old plate of charcuterie is divine
This town has great food and crappy food. Learn to understand the difference.

8. The 2 bottle of wine lover
Sure, the wine is cheaper, but this is not some magical land where the laws of basic economics cease to apply. You can buy wine for €2, and that wine is one thing: crappy. 

9. The 3am intoxicated kebab eater
Be 3am intoxicated steak tartar eater instead. It's that kind of town.

10. The person who thinks that street crepes are a thing
They're not a thing. At least, not a good thing.

11. The one who packs an outfit to look “Parisian”
Please just smoke a cigarette and call it a day.

12. The aspiring writer
No, no wait fellas. He has a Moleskine, a fountain pen, and he's drinking red wine. This guy is serious business. 

BONUS

13. The local who pretends to not speak English
You sir, are not helping Parisians with their reputation.