The 17 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Philly
Generally you make great life choices: happy-hour drinks at SIPS, getting in on Philly Beer Week, or skipping town to the Shore during the summer. There are times, though, when you aren't on top of your game and you wind up making one of these 17 worst-possible Philadelphia decisions.
1. Riding the Manayunk Hill
In the pantheon of bad ideas, rolling down the steepest hill in Manayunk, even with liquid courage, is pretty high up there.
2. Having anything to do with this Sixers season
With the Knicks having a worse season, they even suck at draft-lottery positioning.
3. Not knowing how to navigate Roosevelt Blvd
Crazy, but Roosevelt Blvd has the #2 and #3 most dangerous intersections in the country.
4. Parking in someone’s saved spot
While Philly’s streets often look like yard sales, especially right before a big storm, that lawn furniture is there for a reason. Only an idiot will try and park in someone's “reserved" spot.
5. Swimming in the Schuylkill
Don’t let all of the crew teams fool you; no one should go in that water. Two words: toxic discharge.
6. Checking your bags at Philly airport
There’s a reason that Philadelphia International Airport is ranked one of the worst in North America.
7. Going to the Wing Bowl and expecting to function the next day
Life goals after the Wing Bowl usually involve not leaving your credit card at the strip club and trying not to puke before noon.
8. Assuming there's a speed limit on Kelly or Lincoln Dr
Technically the speed limit is 35, but you wouldn’t know it by the way everyone drives.
9. Being optimistic for the upcoming season
Philadelphia sports teams can rip out a fan’s heart like no other city (okay, outside of Cleveland). You can say we're a "beer half-full" type of fan base, until the (inevitable) late-season collapse that drives us to chug the whole damn thing.
10. Forgetting your local state store's hours
Closed at 9pm? Or is it 10pm? Open on Sundays? Better check those hours before you try and make a last-minute booze run -- we’ve all made the mistake of trying to go right after closing time.
11. Riding the Erin Express (if you’re older than 30)
There comes a time when you’re too old to ride a school bus, even if that school bus is full of tipsy coeds.
12. Leaving for the Shore during rush hour
Nothing spells weekend buzzkill more than sitting on the AC Expressway while your friends are already drinking on a deck.
13. Living in Fairmount with a car
If you eventually find a parking spot, be prepared to do your best bumper-car routine to get into a space that's a few feet too small.
14. Not having a SEPTA token
Nothing is worse than having to deal with the change machine or the SEPTA booth when trying to catch a last-minute train.
15. Going to the Gold Club
We’ve got nothing against strip clubs -- heck, we’ve even ranked them -- but you can do better than the Gold Club. You get what you pay for.
16. Trying to explain Mummers to an out-of-town friend
There are many things you have to explain to out-of-towners, but here it's better to just hand them a beer and let them enjoy the party.
17. Ignoring Philadelphia history
We live in a city that has some of the most important historical sites in the country (even if the Betsy Ross house is kinda BS). Don’t be too busy or too cool to experience everything the city has to offer.
Sign up here for our daily Philly email and be the first to get all the food/drink/fun in town.