The 22 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Pittsburgh
Bad decisions are an inevitable part of life, like when you decided you could afford to shop exclusively at Whole Foods, or when you went to Lingerie Karaoke in January, or that time when you were so hungry you thought a pizza cone was a good idea. Perhaps the following pointers can prevent you from making such foolish choices in the future; don’t make these 22 terrible life choices around Pittsburgh.
1. Attempting to drive Downtown during any major event
Don’t let traffic and expensive parking be the reason you miss the excellence of the Three Rivers Arts Festival.
2. Taking the T. Beware the T.
But only when Taylor Swift is in town. Every summer she arrives and all the preteens emerge from the South Hills and crowd their way onto the trolley armed with smartphones, glittery posters, and high-pitched glee. It’s terrifying.
3. Going to Waffallonia after having dinner in Squirrel Hill
You now have two full meals in your stomach. But unlimited toppings on a sugar waffle might be worth the pain.
4. Buying that front row seat for the Penguins playoffs
Goodbye running water and electricity, I never needed you anyway.
5. Fishing in city rivers
There are people who do this. These people are insane. There’s no way those catfish taste right.
6. Thinking you’ll be able to get anywhere during the marathon
So you were planning on getting to work on time today? Better leave two hours earlier than usual. And if you depend on public transit, better start walking before sunrise.
7. Going to McFadden’s the night of the Kenny Chesney concert
Or anywhere on the North Shore for that matter. Hundreds of Western Pennsylvanians seep into the city and, for just one night, use the North Shore as their own public toilet during Pittsburgh’s most devastating tailgating party. If you like trudging through cans of light beer and getting assaulted, this might be your scene.
8. Going to Jekyl & Hyde on Halloween
It’s a Halloween-themed bar, why wouldn’t it have the best Halloween bash? Because getting aggressively Roxbury'd by a construction worker and a pope during "Y.M.C.A" may not your idea of a good time. Okay, maybe this one is personal.
9. Only going to Pamela’s for breakfast
Don’t get us wrong, we love Pamela’s. But there are also other great brunch stops that serve things like bacon-filled zeppolli with a maple glaze (you’re not even sure what that is and you still want it).
10. Going to Giant Eagle before a Steelers game
Utter chaos. Wear protective gear.
11. Not having cash on hand
Ritter's, Mineo’s, Pamela’s, Uncle Sam’s, and Noodlehead are just a few examples of cash-only establishments in Pittsburgh. More and more places are accepting cards, but cash is the lifeblood of most small businesses, throw ‘em a bone.
12. Putting that winter coat away
It’s late April and 75 degrees outside so you think to yourself "Time to break out the flip-flops!” Don’t be surprised if two days later you find yourself shivering in a tank top in freezing rain.
13. Not arriving through the Fort Pitt Tunnel
There’s no grander reveal than entering Pittsburgh at night through the Fort Pitt. Especially if it’s your first time visiting the city.
14. Being scared to talk to locals
Dead phone battery, no transportation, and clueless as to where you are? Pretty much everyone will help you if you ask. Pittsburghers are insanely nice people.
15. Ditching your dog to party
Pittsburgh is becoming more and more dog-friendly every day. So bring your dog with you to Zombie Fest, brunch in the Strip, Big Dog Coffee, or Doggie Dip at Dormont Pool.
16. Not researching your rental company
Some are fine, others will assume no responsibility when you come home from that weekend retreat to a kitchen that is now your own personal kiddie pool.
17. Driving through Oakland during graduation season
Also, late August is freshman move in for Pitt. Stay away.
18. Not venturing into other boroughs
Speaking of freshman, Oakland may seem like the only place to be since you live there and go to school there, but this city has a ton to offer. Go explore the Cultural District and then get lost in the immensity of Frick Park.
19. Missing out on RAD days
RADical Days take place every fall and offer free admission to the museums, the aviary, the zoo, and much more. They’re called RAD for a reason.
20. Not knowing how to use the buses
Pittsburgh may not have the best public transit, but downloading the Google Maps app and a GPS bus tracker will MAKE it work for you.
21. Calling a Yellow Cab
Don’t get stranded in Polish Hill at 2am because you think that taxi you called for is actually going to show up. Make Uber and Lyft your best friends immediately.
22. Crossing a bridge when you’re lost
You just got way more lost.
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