One of the worst decisions you can make in Portland is... um, not actually living in Portland, but in one of its innumerable suburbs instead. Especially when so many of said 'burbs kinda suck. Don't believe us? Here's why...
It’s pronounced "ah-low-ah." Enough said.
Tonya Harding once got arrested for driving under the influence here. Rest assured they’re saving up for a monument.
Oregon’s first hamlet, Tonya Harding now lives here. Try to stay off the roads.
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Where all the NBA players live. The “lake” is private and only for card-carrying residents.
Okay, actually a pretty funky, cool little blue-collar town South of Sellwood, plus it’s super-close to Acropolis Steakhouse, but it is also just one letter away from being a city in... ugh, Wisconsin.
This is that OG money, where the founders of Portland lived and, let's face it, you don't.
The infuriating two-way traffic and strip mall part of the drive to wine country.
Washington Square Mall?
The scenery that lets you know you’re almost home when driving East on 84.
I guess there’s movie theater at Bridgeport Village.
We like to make fun of the ‘Couv, but let’s be honest, there’s a decent amount to do after you hit the totally legal dispensaries. Just kidding... it's in Washington! Hahahaha.
Almost as fancy as Lake Oswego.
Conveniently hidden behind the beautiful side of the hills. We just realized people there probably call them the East Hills...
Where you go to buy a new car.
Home of the Walmart Supercenter off 84.
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