From a fun-loving local dude and his "heterosexual life partner", BurgundyFest’s a no-holds-barred, kitsch-tastic, polyester party filled to the brim with music, games, and boozy fun, all inspired by a little movie set in a certain whale's vagina called Anchorman, which organizers claim was going to be shot in PDX until producers realized San Diego was funnier...looking! Wait, that's not even true. If the following stuff excites you, just blame it on the pleats:
Baxter Punt: Get your kicks as you recreate the flight of Ron's little gentleman by sending a (Stuffed? Yes, turns out it's stuffed.) Baxter through a distant target in hopes of winning a trophy, and presumably Kenny Cooper's starting spot on the Timbers.
News Reader-oke: Be the Burgundy by reading teleprompts of fake news created just for the event; if you're good enough, you'll get lived-streamed to the internet, which thus far has had some problems staying classy.
Costume Contest: A movie-themed event is nothing without a costume-off, and Anchorman luckily provides ample opportunity for creativity, although you can consider a whole wheel of cheese -- in which Nicholas Sparks is wrapped around a 26in rim -- officially dibsed.
Trivia: Be sure to watch the film a couple (more) times to brush up on your facts, as you and your buddies will compete over three rounds for super sexy/ secret prizes.
Jazz Flute: An actual pro musician will take the stage in a black '70s turtleneck to rock a hardcore jazz flute solo organizers claim will have "plenty of movement", which sounds like a Tull order.
To keep things flowing through the evening, a DJ will be mixing Anchor-era tunes as well as clips from the film, and to keep you smelling nice while you're on the dance floor, you can score cologne samples of Sex Panther, the perfect way to get viciously mauled by a whole mess of new heterosexual life partners.