The Blazer-heavy baby of a recent PNCA grad whose Drexler-era father-son Rose Garden trips turned him into a superfan, Sportz Ill-ustrted is blog full of dude’s often irreverent, always dope b-baller art. Here's what to expect from a blog built to prove the Blazers should have hired him for the design internship he applied for, instead of designing new ways to cripple players' knees (Noooo! Not Batum too! Merde!):
Gerald Wallace: The Predator
If it bleeds, you can kill it. Somehow, Gerald Wallace never bleeds, despite playing the game with such furious abandon, he wreaks more destruction than Bill Duke with a chaingun. Hence, Gerald Wallace is un-killable. Also, his scouting report reads “has a terrible time noticing Arnold when he’s covered in mud.”
The Outlier: Matt Bonner Speed Painting
He rules over 3-Point Land with a
iron fist really white glove. He’s totally jacked. He often gets confused for Brian Scalabrine, who often gets confused for Michael Rapaport. He loves to party. One of those statements was true.
C’mon, his junk’s way bigger than that.