If there's one thing Sunday's relatively comfortable 1-nil win demonstrated, it's that... the mother*&@%ing Sounders suck! Like, completely and totally SUCK!! But if there's another thing that it -- and almost every other Timbers' match -- demonstrates, it's that a small number of our supporters, well, kind of suck also. And unfortunately, now that we're in the playoffs, you can expect to see more and more of these 10 fans at the stadium, at the sports bar, at work, and *sigh* pretty much everywhere.
Overly Sensitive Parent:
You know what? Your kids have heard swearing before, so STFU!
Brand New Fan in Brand New Jersey, Hat, Scarf, Keychain...:
He is currently soooo pissed that the Adidas store is sold out of No Pity scarves.
Everyone in the Key Bank Club:
Over-priced tickets for people who think unlimited hotdogs and candy is a good deal. Wait... that IS kind of a good deal, dammit!
The Original Fan:
He swears he's seen every game since 1975, has an original Timbers' jersey that may or may not have been washed since then. But why is he spending more time telling people how much of a fan he is than watching the match?
Guy Who Wants Tottenham To Buy Darlington Nagbe:
First of all, he's only scored 17 goals in 75 appearances in MLS: he's not ready. Second of all, he's scored 17 AMAZING goals in 75 appearances in MLS, why the f**k do you want to sell him?!
The Guy Who Never Goes To Matches:
He swears that his big screen still shows all of the action, and that he's still part of the Timbers Army... and he should really just stick to watching Blazers games.
Mustachioed Man in Bayern Munich Jersey:
Your giant flag has nothing to do with Portland or even America, and studying abroad for two months in college doesn't count as "living in Germany", so stop talking about the Bundesliga like you grew up going to games with your vater.
Fan Harassing the Scalpers:
Last time I checked this was a free country and if somebody from LO wants to pay $80 for an obstructed view seat, let him. That way there's more tickets for the rest of us around the corner at the Fanladen.
Snotty Kid with his own Name on his Jersey:
Quit playing tag in the concession line. It's your own damn fault I spilled beer on you.
Stop taking selfies, complaining that the cell service is shi**y, and saying things like "how will everyone know how much fun we're having if I can't post to Facebook?". #StopHashtagging!