Lifestyle

Prepare to dye

A long time ago, in a land far way, the Old Gods spoke of a day when brothers would bear arms against brothers, fathers would bear arms against sons, and orphaned kids would not be able to afford to attend. On this day, the Old Gods said, the fields and the hills would turn red, either with the blood of families torn apart, or because everyone was throwing tomatoes. Well friends, the day is upon us. Welcome to Tomato Battle. As prophesied in the Bible or on the Internet somewhere, Tomato Battle -- the epic melee in which everyone just throws tomatoes at everyone else, while drinking copious amounts of beer -- is hitting SD's Market Creek Event Center in only a few weeks. So as to stay informed and knowledgeable, here is what you need to know:

  • They're trucking in 50,000lbs of overripe Romas that weren't already thrown at Billy Zane during his performance of Shakespeare in Tombstone.
  • The tomatoes will all be sitting in a pile in the middle of the field when the battle begins, like the weapons and food when The Hunger Games started, except you shouldn't try and murder people with spears just to get a sleeping bag.
  • Speaking of spears, you're not allowed to bring in anything to help you throw, so that means no lacrosse sticks, or slingshots, or trebuchets -- just your own weak arms.
  • The battle usually lasts a little under an hour, depending on how many trebuchets people snuck in illegally.
  • Costumes are encouraged. People without costumes will be the first ones taken out by the contraband trebuchets.
  • The beer garden opens several hours before the battle starts, so by the time everyone starts throwing, you should have no problem seeing double, let alone red.