Lifestyle

The 99 Problems With San Diego

Published On 06/18/2014 Published On 06/18/2014

To most people who visit our fair city, San Diego seems like a utopia of beautiful weather, beautiful people, and beautiful beaches. But from streets full of potholes to streets full of invasive tourists, we have our problems -- in fact, here are 99 of them:

1. The weather can get a little Groundhog Day. Every day is the same. Also, Bill Murray doesn't visit enough.
2. Parking within a mile of the beach in the Summer = impossible
3. So many dogs, so few owners who seem to pick up after them
4. All other cities are ruined for you after living here
5. Rising juice cleanse costs
6. Punctuality is not exactly a priority
7. May Gray
8. June Gloom
9. The potholes in our potholes
10. Tent cities that line entire streets Downtown
11. The 805 is STILL under construction, and will be until 2048
12. No swimming in the ocean for 72 hours after it rains. Thankfully that rarely happens. Gross.
13. Aggressive jaywalkers
14. Late-night food options = basically just tacos. At least they're really good tacos.
15. The continuing "medical marijuana" charade. Just go full Colorado already!
16. Deciding what beer to drink
17. Lululemon
18. Parking meters that last until 8pm. When did that become a thing?
19. Shutting down basically ALL of Downtown for festivals and marathons
20. Roving packs of girls in PB
21. Roving packs of dudes in PB
22. Roving packs of tourists in PB
23. Either you have a car or you aren't getting much of anywhere
24. Even our elderly think the pace is slow
25. Creepers at Black’s Beach

Flickr user eggrole

26. The line of people waiting to take their picture on Potato Chip Rock
27. People trying to out-do the pose of the person who got their picture taken before them at Potato Chip Rock
28. Bartenders who insist you call them "mixologists"
29. Having to maintain year-round swimsuit fitness
30. Especially with ANOTHER beer, bacon, and/or beer & bacon fest every damn weekend
31. A one-day pass to the zoo is... 46 bucks?!
32. Flammability
33. Sunday Funday hangovers that last until Taco Tuesday
34. Territorial surfers
35. Vanity plates
36. Constant marathons and mud runs making you feel lazy
37. "Vegas-style" rooftop pool parties whose quotation marks are quite apt
38. Wanna live by the beach? You'll pay. OH will you pay.
39. You will not, however, have much space
40. Themed pub crawls
41. Flights connecting in LA take off from a separate commuter terminal, not the main airport
42. Anchorman references
43. The only kind of season we have is tourist season
44. Slow drivers in the freeway fast lane
45. What's public transit?
46. Delivery trucks parked in the middle of the street Downtown
47. Nobody’s house has air-conditioning
48. People insist the weather's so great no one needs air-conditioning
49. The guilt that comes with buying a movie ticket and sneaking into more than one showing just for air-conditioning
50. No World Cup celebration in the North Park streets this year
51. The line at Carnitas Snack Shack
52. Over-obsessive locavores
53. Dodging pedestrians at the Little Italy Farmer’s Market
54. Bathroom selfies
55. Your bike is probably being stolen right now
56. The Pacific Ocean is freezing
57. The rest of the country thinks you're spoiled
58. It's hard to argue with them
59. No Super Bowls
60. No World Series

Flickr user Pete Fordham

61. Rain = everyone completely forgets how to drive
62. Tourist-driven boardwalk traffic
63. Bros
64. Uggs + miniskirts as Winter attire
65. Everyone fancies himself a home brewer. Not everyone is good at it.
66. Double Deuce mechanical bull whiplash
67. Choosing which Asian restaurant to eat at on Convoy
68. You can’t ever find a seat on Taco Tuesday
69. Seaworld fireworks make it sound like a war zone all summer
70. Parking anywhere on Padres game days
71. Beach invitations are impossible to turn down
72. Plastic surgery everywhere you turn
73. The lurking temptation of TJ
74. The rising overuse of the word "like"
75. No one will commit to plans until the last minute
76. And when they "commit" they'll probably flake anyway
77. The line at Las Cuatro Milpas
78. The line at any taco shop after last call
79. Facebook beach posts from friends while you're stuck at work
80. The specialty burgers at Slaters 50/50 are only available for one month
81. Blackfish
82. You didn’t get to Donut Bar early enough and they sold out of Maple Bacon Bars

Flickr user aussiegall

83. Everyone is a DJ
84. No beach camping
85. Fickle sports fans
86. Contrary to popular belief, we don't usually stay classy
87. Concentration of "natural" blondes = statistically impossible
88. No beach drinking
89. Rising tensions between drivers and bikers
90. People who always dress like they just left Coachella
91. Intimidatingly good-looking people
92. Beach traffic bottlenecks
93. Beach flag ignorance
94. No BYOB or people under 21 allowed at Over The Line this year
95. The trolley is even less punctual than you are
96. Mission Beach street sweeping
97. Norv Turner PTSD
98. Burrito comas
99. LA is too close for comfort

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