Okay, so it’s not QUITE as bad as what our neighbors 120mi to the north have to deal with (because everything is worse there), but San Diego still faces its share of brutal traffic. At least the smog in Los Angeles keeps drivers from knowing just how long the traffic jam is likely to last. Fear not though, San Diegans, for we’ve diagnosed the problem. Here are San Diego’s 10 worst drivers.
The Overzealous Morning Commuter
This ray of sunshine is determined to get from our fair city to Irvine in under an hour. But here’s the problem: if George Costanza couldn’t get the Frogger machine across the street successfully, then switching lanes every .9 seconds probably isn’t going to work, either. Say you actually do manage to shave three minutes off your commute? Kindly take that time to find a mirror and flip yourself the bird on behalf of everyone.
The Incredible Hulk
In their rush to paddle out, they didn’t quite secure that surfboard to the top of their car. No matter, these folks have evidently been hanging out with Lou Ferrigno, and are convinced that the one arm holding their board to the hood of the car will be enough to keep it from flying through your windshield should a gust of wind or slight bump present itself.
The Beleaguered Camp Bus Driver
You think you’re having a rough day? This poor guy -- or gal -- has been tasked with shuttling 60 kids back from Soak City. They're wet, tired, and several of the more "robustly" built 5th graders are in tears thanks to some grade-A chaffing. So yeah... the driver wants to get this trip over with immediately and he's merging whether you're in the way or not, so better just steer clear.
The Bargain Hunting Fair-Goers
Mom, dad, their two children, and three of the neighbor kids have all piled into the plus-sized SUV for some "fun." They’ve got more than 1,000 ride tickets and enough Pepsi coursing through their veins to warrant a visit from the DEA. And if Dad can’t control the misfits in the backseat, you can be damn sure he’s going to control his wallet. It’s free parking or bust for this family, even if that means creeping along PCH to the dismay of everyone else.
The PB Rookies
They've never driven down Garnett Ave in their life, and now we’re all paying the price. We get it: you’re afraid you might hit one of the many people on beach cruisers, but every time you move to the left lane, you immediately scrap that plan and head back over. Here’s the deal: left lane traffic must yield before turning, so if you’re not turning or not willing to wait, stay to the right. In other words, pick a lane and stay there. Please.
The Negligent Fashionistas
Nothing says safety like four teenage girls piled into a 3-Series BMW with their parents’ credit cards. It took all day, but they finally found the perfect pair of jeans for the beach bonfire later that night. With a successful day behind them, they’re all simultaneously Instagramming to share the news. Including the driver.
The Sea World Odyssey
Dad’s a chemical engineer, mom’s a professor of psychology, and their daughter has placed in multiple spelling bees. None of that matters though, because this vacationing family can’t figure out for the life of them which ramp leads to Sea World. Maybe it’s the excitement of having found matching orca T-shirts, or the fact that they’ve cinched their respective fanny packs way too tight, but driving behind this trio is worse than being trapped in a watery prison and forced to perform tricks for strangers. Well, almost worse.
The Methodical Retiree
Not that there’s ever a good time to make the drive into La Jolla. But a summertime jaunt into La Jolla proper will probably require you to dip into your vacation time. There’s no secret "locals’ route" and the retired couple in the Chrysler LeBaron isn’t about to punch it through the yellow light when they’ve got their twilight years to enjoy the view.
The Gaslamp Pedicab
Okay, so he’s not driving a car, per se, but this guy is making your escape onto the freeway painfully long, which wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to spend it thinking about all the money you just spent because the Tilted Kilt waitress smiled at you. Would it be weird if you went back tomorrow? You two might have something!
The Cabbie on a Mission
It’s 1:30am and your watering hole is giving you the boot. Enter every cab driver on the planet. They’ve converged on last call like vultures on a carcass. The name of the game is speed, and it’s all about getting the most fares crammed into the next 30 minutes, meaning no driver is safe from Mad Max. And if you’re a pedestrian, you best keep your head on a swivel because there’s no such thing as a crosswalk.
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