The week that Ben Franklin invented as proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy has returned to the Capital of Craft, but, with over 190 events to choose from, not planning ahead will leave you outside in a proverbial lightning storm of doubt, holding a proverbial key attached to a proverbia...nevermind, just follow this guide.
If you're a big boy and want to do it yourself: Join Karl Strauss on Friday for a BYOB (Brew Your Own Beer) Brunch and hang with the CEO and brewmaster while touring and tasting the goods, followed by a make-your-favorite "live brewing session", in which Robin Yount will probably show you how to hit a slider while slaked.
If you hate sloppy seconds: Hit URGE Gastropub for the debut of Mother Earth Brewing's unnamed imperial Tahitian vanilla-bean cream ale, then loudly call out suggestions for it, like "Red Dog!!".
If you like your beer like you like your women (super-upset because you ruin everything!): Head to Pizza Port OB Monday for San Diego IPA Insanity where the award winners'll be tapping a spread of SD's finest bitter brews.
For swingers with a weak-ass swing: Be a tosser instead at Wednesday's Fling Disc Gold Tourney with Green Flash and Hamilton's, where participants will battle it out against brewers for the honor of tapping the winning cask at the beer-drenched afterparty, which is open to the public for those whose bosses don't excuse raging yeast affections.
If you're a cannibalistic beer hog: Reserve a space at Rock Bottom La Jolla's Beer & Bacon brewer's dinner featuring delicious eats like bacon-wrapped scallops with Jalapeno IPA sauce.
If painting just sounds like too much work: Grab tickets for Stone's first-ever Pour it Black festival shloaded with over 100 imperial stouts, porters, and black IPAs ranging from Midnight Sun's Arctic Devil barley wine to Lost Abbey's brandy-barrel-aged Angel's Share, which is most likely why god lets those winged eunuchs hang up in heaven with himself and Benny Frank.