Lifestyle

12 Text Messages You’ve Definitely Received if You Live in SF

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Because we don’t have time for phone calls (gross) or sidewalk stop-and-chats (PleaseGodNo) in San Francisco, we text. A lot. Enough that we’ve all undoubtedly received (or sent) a whole bunch of the same ones, starting with these:

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It takes something special to justify a 45-minute wait for bread, like visiting family who’ve been looking forward to this bullshit all year.

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No. Oakland is a big place. Almost none of it is Temescal.

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Go to the ATM. You know they don't, guy.

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This jerk has a dope apartment and all the time in the world to go on yoga retreats and to destination weddings, but yeah, obviously you'll catsit. Because cable.

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When your buddy's shower is busted but she won't call the landlord because he'll probably use it as a pretense for eviction.

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The convenience of Tinder is inversely proportional to the inconvenience of your Outer Richmond living situation.

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AKA "I haven't actually left my place yet."

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Stop pretending there was ever a time when the crowds weren't shit.

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You'll find them after five more texts. Pro tip: slackliners and film crews make great landmarks.

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Inevitable justification of $4 toast is... inevitable.

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Whether it's the capricious 33 or a tunnel-stuck N-Judah, the end result is the same: don't hesitate to order your drink, or, like, settle your tab and text "Better luck next time."

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It was bound to happen sooner or later, bud. Don't fret. New friends are arriving daily by the tech-busload.

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Casey Childers is a one-man content mill. When he's not pumping out freelance gems like this or writing stories about anthropomorphized wolves, he's losing followers daily on Twitter at @cachilders.