15 reasons the Carolina Panthers are a horrible bunch of losers
This Sunday, the Niners play the Panthers in the Divisional Round of the NFL playoffs, and to help you prepare for adequately trash-talking a team you may or may not care much about, we're giving you 15 pieces of verified trolling gold.
1. Jake Delhomme is still the franchise leader in passing yards. Jake Delhomme. Is still. The franchise leader. In passing yards.
2. They play in teal uniforms. Teal. Aesthetically, they're like the Vancouver Grizzlies of the NFL.
3. Ron Rivera is the absolute worst... and not because he's a bad coach or a terrible person, but because he wears transition lenses.
5. Their football team launched in 1995. As an organization, they're not even old enough to buy beer for themselves -- they have to shoulder tap other football teams.
7. Unlike Ron Rivera, Cam Newton actually is a terrible person who will steal both your laptop and that paper you stayed up all night writing.
8. There aren't any panthers in North Carolina.
9. They're in the same state as Duke.
10. Their mascot's name is Sir Purr. So...
11. They play in Bank of America Stadium… aka, Fined For Mortgage Fraud Stadium.
12. Their owner is actually a really nice guy, except when he raised ticket prices in 2010 despite a dismal 2009, released several veterans rather than extending contracts, refused to spend money on free agents, encouraged the lockout despite actually making $100 million in profits, milked taxpayers for stadium updates, and killed Batman's parents.
13. DeAngelo Williams has ruined every fantasy football team you've had since 2008.
14. Greg Hardy has obviously never read Harry Potter.
15. Still just... Steve Smith.