20 things that'll go through your head while juice cleansing in SF
San Francisco Summer (Spring) is right around the corner, so in order to rid myself of all the horrible things I eat on the daily, I went on a juice cleanse. I decided to go with the local purveyor The Juice Shop, started by a guy whose life was pretty much saved by a cleanse, figuring they could help me be a little healthier (or at least more bikini-ready).
Then I wrote down all the thoughts (20 in total) that went through my head while I was starving myself for three days. They basically fell into three different categories: hungry, angry, and sleepy. A juice cleanse made me three of seven dwarves.
1. I haven’t even started yet, and I’m already insanely jealous of a girl I see sitting in her car on Fell and Webster wolfing down a scone.
2. Now I have started, and the first juice makes my throat itch. That’s… probably okay, right?
3. Two hours in, I smelled sourdough on my way to the gym. There are no bakeries nearby. Either I’m Daredevil, or I'm having a stroke.
4. Hovering in the kitchen smelling whatever my roommates are cooking is apparently "creepy". Also: I have lots of roommates.
5. This pineapple one is delicious! And the seeds make me feel less weird about “chewing” the juice.
6. Writing about under-the-radar SF burgers in the middle of this... is kinda messed up.
7. I would commit light treason for a burrito. Not even one from El Farolito, just a burrito in general.
8. Everyone on MUNI is the worst person in the world. Even more so than usual.
9. WHYYYYYYYYYY did I go to Union Square? How does anyone get around at the pace you are walking?!?
10. Weirdly enough, I think I've entered a post-hungry phase. My stomach doesn't even---scratch that, just passed by Super Duper. Still starving.
11. I think I may have burned all of my bridges at City Target. Not going back there.
12. Someone at the Dateway just asked how my day was going and I had to stop myself from yelling at their face.
13. So this is what tunnel vision feels like. Maybe I shouldn't have tried jogging in GG Par—AHHHH BUFFALO!!!
14. It's the end of Day 1. I’m already starting to feel my cognitive skills going, but that’s probably just the lack of caffeine.
15. Second day at the gym; I'm thinking, nothing's safer than lifting heavy weights over my head while operating on nothing but sugar, right?
16. How am I still awake?
17. Can I go back to sleep yet?
18. Does it still count as a juice cleanse if I just faint carrying my juices back to my house? I mean, Hayes Valley is safe, right?
19. Day 3: I'm seriously considering selling my soul/loaded Clipper Card for some Philz. Hell, Starbucks even.
20. I actually feel... good? Like, no-line-at-Ike's good. Is this just my brain confusing hunger with pleasure?
Joe Starkey is Thrillist's San Francisco Editor and sincerely apologizes for anything he said when he was hungry. Follow him on Twitter.