22 better ways to spend $4K than on those ridic new Lower Haight apartments

So apparrrrrrrently there's a block of new apartments in Lower Haight that, A) just went on the market, and B) are totally reasonably priced... if you're a lottery-winning Norwegian prince oil tycoon. Two bedrooms are going for $3494/month (WTF?), and a one bedroom that's 700 SQUARE FEET for $3995/month (WTFTFTF?). As if you needed them, here are 22 better things you could spend your $4K a month on

1. One game of high-stakes 1-4-24 in Chinatown2. A steak for every single one of the strippers at Penthouse Club3. Someone's almost-unicorn-level-scarce gold iPhone4. An Uber to LA5. Dinner for you and nineeight seven other people at Saison6. A PBR at every bar in The Mission... for a month straight7. Public Bikes for all of the City Bike Share stations8. Four beers at AT&T Park9. Bodyguards for everyone on your Tenderloin bar crawl10. A really, really tall ladder that you could use to get a better view of what's going on inside the Armory!!! the Bay. Yeah, the Bay.11. Chicago deep dish flown in to compare to Little Star12. Someone who'll wait in line for you at State Bird Provisions... ON A SATURDAY!!!13. A round of drinks for everyone at Bootie14. A professional piggy-back rider to take you up all the hills15. Pop-a-shot at Wreck Room for three days straight16. A deep clean for your BART car before you board it17. An automatic machine gun that will pop out of your trunk and kill Uncle Jack and his crew but NOT YOU18. An advanced check to the City of San Francisco for your next 50 parking tickets19. A gym membership for the guy who keeps using the Starbucks bathrooms as a shower20. Getting the Bullitt guys to turn on the Fireball tap long enough to put your head under it21. Two memberships to Wingtip, because why the hell not?22. Two studio apartments you found on Craigslist like a normal person