Our grown-up SF Christmas list

Christmas is almost here, and that means -- like all normal, well-adjusted adults -- we've put together a list of the not-at-all-impossible-or-ridiculously-expensive things that we want from Santa. Who exists.

1. A parking spot in North Beach on a Monday. Or a Tuesday. Or a Wednesday. Really, dude, any weekday would be cool.

2. To have one of those Google self-driving cars. Papa has some texts to send and some Candy Crush to play.

3. Home-field advantage for the 49ers throughout the playoffs. Related: a Ricky Williams-style, weed-fueled abrupt retirement for Russell Wilson. Tomorrow.

statebird sf

4. A reservation at State Bird that isn't in 2016.

5. A $4K-a-month apartment in Lower Haight.

6. More French-fry-only restaurants.

7. A tan. Somehow.

BART sf
Flickr/rafael-castillo

8. For that one guy who farts on BART to leave and never, ever come back.

9. A nice bartender at Toronado. Seriously? Okay, what about a "kinda" nice bartender at Toronado?

10. The ability to grow a decent beard so we can blend in.