San Francisco is a gorgeous city to live in, with neighborhoods to suit just about everyone's needs (assuming you can pay the astronomical rents). But SF's quaint, unique neighborhood feel and handsome hilly vistas belie a deeper, darker secret: nowhere else in the country are people as protective and insecure about their neighborhoods. Just ask someone in the Mission about people in the Marina, or vice versa, and you'll see this well of uncontrollable vitriol bubble up. So, to help get this all out in the open, here's what everyone is saying about your 'hood behind your back: The Mission: Pick your poison, friends. Would you prefer the preening hipster element with their organically pomaded facial hair riding down Valencia, on their reclaimed wood longboards, judging you for not also authentically re-creating another time period in Americana with your attire, or the original Latin population judging you for being one of the contributors to the boom in rent prices that is forcing them out of their own hood? ORRRR… do you just want some Bi-Rite ice cream, and not live close to Divis? SOMA: Did you move to this city to "work" in the "tech" industry? Do you want your portion of the city to have identical high-rise, concierge apartment buildings with fitness centers and a Whole Foods built right in, so you won't be nervous that it doesn't feel like Dallas or Charlotte or a hundred other newly constructed downtowns? More importantly, do you like Giants games? Because you better, when 40k people are streaming by your place yelling about Buster Posey's BABIP six months out of the year. The Marina: If you can get over the fact that the place is overrun and essentially controlled by a large contingent of 20- and 30-somethings in really, really nice yoga pants who grew up in Marin or an an upper-middle class East Coast suburb, and might accidentally hit you with their German cars while talking loudly about Cal water polo and simultaneously trying to park outside of The Tipsy Pig, it might work for you. Until we have an earthquake, and the whole thing crumbles into the sea because it's built on landfill.