Dear San Francisco Person,
Hi. My name is Matt. Much like your urbane, fernet-swilling self, I once called San Francisco -- aka the greatest city in the world -- home. There, your life will change for the better: you will make amazing friends, have epic Winters in Tahoe, and likely spend your days 1) drinking way too much, and 2) eating schnitzel at Suppenküche while strangely considering yourself to be a healthy person.
Unfortunately, my time there was cut short due to a healthy stretch of funemployment and a job offer in
an equally awesome and totally rad city! Hoboken. I had to take the job. So I left. And it sucked. Bad. Really bad. Caddyshack 2 bad.
So bad that I wrote this. If your sorry ass ever ends up having to leave the promised land, here's what to expect. At least now you'll know.