Because things just make more sense when viewed through Game of Thrones goggles, we focused ours on the Bay Area's myriad tech companies in an effort to help you finally understand who's most likely to murder everyone at their next party. Please don't shut off our Internet, Google.
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Duuuuuuuh. The wealthiest and most powerful of the tech families, they don't really get along with others, but that's to be expected when so much of their legacy is developed in-house (incest reference bonus, +1). Sure, they've got some stuff you like (Gmail/Tyrion/Jamie... sometimes), but buying into that means also surrendering your freedom to their watch.
Yahoo! = Targaryen
Once the proud ruler of the tech world, this company was brought to its knees by the dot-com bust, and were largely kept there by new contenders in the field. But they've slowly been making a comeback thanks to a powerful, new (kinda hot?) female leader at their helm.
Facebook = Baelish
They know all your business (yes, even that... and no, your security settings really don't help), and they're using all of it to slowly acquire allllllll the wealth and power. Funny thing is, they basically told you not to trust them, but you still do, which means it's gonna be your own damn fault when it comes back to bite/behead you.
Twitter = Arryn
Sending quick messages that may or may not ignite (flame) wars, these guys will make sure chaos easily reigns in 140-or-less character form, while managing to stay relatively isolated and protected from what they've unleashed. Also, man did they nurse that IPO baby wayyyy too long. Seems like he's not doing so well...
These guys totally seem like they're on your side (especially if you buy into their services and can use them to promote yourself), and they promise they won't flay you alive. Then without so much as a, "The Lannisters send their regards", you've got a million people stabbing you in the back. Or pregnant stomach (*covers eyes with pillow*).
Airbnb = Greyjoy
You think that this is all gonna work out great: you met the person who's going to stay in your house, and even trusted them to take care of your dependents. Then you come home only to find the entire apartment looks like it's been burned down, and you can't find your renter anywhere.
Apple = Tyrell
They're the favorite of the common people; so nice and helpful that you kind of forget that they're a major (corporate) player. Behind the shiny, pretty exterior though, they're masterfully calculating and rather ruthless in their ascent to power (just ask Joffrey/Steve Wozniak).
Eventbrite = Frey
They throw parties so good, the next morning you and all your friends will feel like you're totally dead.
Nobody's really sure what they're up to or what they do, but they've survived several (tech company) rises and falls without surrendering themselves. They seem to have their stuff together, and are in it for the long haul. Definitely don't count them out.
Netflix = Stark
Once (and still) a powerful force to behold, they've been dealt several blows and are constantly under seditious attack from others (*cough*Verizon*cough*we're talking about Verizon*cough*). They don't take it lying down though, and that alone makes them consistently one of the most interesting to watch.
TiVo = Baratheon
Wait, you guys are still here?
Joe Starkey is Thrillist's San Francisco Editor and may also be a huge nerd. Follow him on Twitter or his Livejournal where he writes GoT fanfic. Or not.