Oh, you were born on an island? No one cares ‘cause it’s not Hawaii. You do have some very pretty Victorian houses though, so that's lovely.
The 94509 ZIP code has over 100 registered sex offenders. Seriously, you should probably lie and say you’re from somewhere else.
Goddamn hippies. Good food though. Now if only we were willing to cross the bridge to eat it.
Chico State isn’t even a good party school anymore, and yet, still, no one will take your degree from there seriously. We do love us some Sierra Nevada though.
Your hometown built a tunnel to protect toads from getting run over by cars, effectively ruining a live-action reenactment of Frogger. Even worse? The toads didn’t like the tunnel. So you guys put lights in it. And then the toads died from the heat. Even worser? the ones who survived were killed by birds who just waited for them at the exit. How can you live with yourself? How? Still, you do have Murder Burger, which makes up for a lot.
Is it possible to drive through Fairfield without getting a speeding ticket? No. No, it is not. Props for the Jelly Belly factory, though.
All anyone knows you for or cares about is your prison. Which, despite being made famous by Johnny Cash, is certainly no Alcatraz.
Your hometown is where MC Hammer built his huge mansion. At one point in time, this would have been cool. That point in time passed long, long ago.
The modern credit card was invented there, so basically your hometown is responsible for the irresponsible spending of people everywhere. Specifically: mine. Also: Butthole.