The 45 Grossest Things in San Francisco

It's a known fact that San Francisco is the most beautiful city in the US, but it's not without its warts. We're talking really, really gross things (even grosser than actual warts). Ordinarily we try to suck it up and pretend like they don't exist -- because how else can we justify paying eight million dollars a month on rent? -- but not today. Today we're acknowledging that, yeah, as great as this city is, sometimes it's seriously nasty. Take these 45 things, for instance:

1. Human poop in the park

And the fact that your dog just stepped in it. "Dog steps in man's poop" is the new "man bites dog."

2. Human poop that's smeared across the sidewalk

Also, the bottom of the shoe responsible for the smearing.

3. The guy who just pooped in public...

And then wiped with his hand. (We wish this was the last feces-related one.)

4. Compost

Sure, it’s good for the environment, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that container of rotting food in your kitchen is not disgusting.

5. Public spitting

There's nothing quite like slipping in a loogie as you run to try to catch the bus.

6. Dive bar bathrooms

Looking at you, Delirium.

7. The seagulls at AT&T Park

It’s all fun and baseball games until a seagull takes a dump on your head.

8. The stench of urine in every alleyway

As if alleyways weren't already inviting enough.

9. 2am piles of burrito vomit on Mission St


10. 2pm piles of burrito vomit on Mission St

Yes, they’re gross at 2am when they’re fresh out of the tummy, but they’re so much grosser when they’ve been left baking in the hot sun all day.

11. The guy cutting his toenails on the Muni

And the pile of clippings that linger on the floor for hours and days to come.

12. The Civic Center BART station

There was so much human poop stuck in the escalator in 2012 that a hazardous materials team had to be called in to handle the situation. Enough said.

13. The guy with explosive diarrhea between Muni cars

Crap happens, sometimes without warning.

14. When someone sneezes on the bus...

... covers her mouth, and then grabs onto the pole.

15. When a pigeon gets on the N Judah

And then flaps its wings uncontrollably until the next stop.

16. Mysterious puddles on the bus seat

Is it water? Pee? Do you even want to know?

17. The guy on the bus with the pink bag of raw fish

And having the bag rub against your body every time the bus starts or stops.

18. The woman popping her boyfriend's bacne on the bus

Seriously, this happened.

19. Basically all of Muni and BART

Just, you know, in general.

20. The four pigeons eating their fallen comrade

Suddenly pigeons eating vomit doesn’t seem so bad...

21. Junkie garbage

Just don’t step on the used needles.

22. The rat hoarder

And the hundreds of rats she breeds and then releases into SF's public parks.

23. The dying rat that's stumbling around on the sidewalk in broad daylight

And is so out of it that he will absolutely walk over your foot.

24. Sidewalk condoms

At least they used a condom?

25. Sidewalk tampons

Yes, we’re referring to ones that have already been used. Sorry, but this is an article about the grossest things in SF and that’s just how it has to be.

26. Bedbugs

You might as well burn your apartment down with all of your belongings inside and move to another country, because no one will ever want to be near you or your possessions again.

27. Abandoned sidewalk couches

See above.

28. This pile of dildos near 16th and Mission

They could've at least put them in a cardboard box.

29. The ocean after it rains  

Mmmmmm. Sewer discharge in your mouth.

30. Every single ATM keypad

Definitely go get some cash and then eat a taco with your bare hands. Those keypads get cleaned ALL of the time.

31. Dolores Park

Just, don't.

32. The smell of dead whale on the beach

Possibly also the scent of candles in Hell.

Courtesy of Ryan Hazelton

33. Whatever this dead thing on the sidewalk is

No seriously: WHAT IS THAT? A dead baby dragon?

34. Marina bars at 1:45am

They don’t call it the Herpes Triangle for nothing.

35. Market value rent

Median rent for a one-bedroom as of this month? $3,410.

36. The homeless guy peeing in the mailbox

And/or being the recipient of one of the letters inside the aforementioned mailbox.

37. Any bushes in any public park

Vague, but true.

38. Mid-Market

Thanks for nothing, Twitter.

39. Jed York

Sure, he technically lives in Santa Clara, but there’s nothing more nauseating than what he’s done to the San Francisco 49ers.

40. 80% of the people "running" Bay to Breakers

Puking in public before 11am is never a good look.

41. The amount of money it costs to rent a parking space

$300 for a space five blocks from your house? What a bargain!

42. The fact that people happily pay four dollars for toast

It doesn’t matter how delicious it is. IT’S TOAST.

43. Anyone wearing a Seahawks jersey

Go back to Seattle. No one wants you here.

44. Most startup offices

Yummmmmmm... guys walking around in smelly socks and T-shirts that haven’t been washed in weeks.

45. 16th and Mission

No explanation needed.

Sign up here for our daily San Francisco email and be the first to get all the food/drink/fun SF has to offer.

Daisy Barringer is Thrillist's SF Editor and she has a very real phobia of pigeons, especially the ones that stalk her on the N Judah. She wanted to work on this in therapy, but her therapist said she had bigger issues to tackle first. That was four years ago. They still haven't tackled the pigeon phobia. Follow her on Twitter @daisy.