Because Colma has more dead people than living ones and it's about damn time to even the score, bring your very-much-alive self to this Necropolis for an exclusive pre-Halloween multi-cemetery bike ride this Fri that'll stop at a dozen or so headstones (including a Yankee legend, the Old West's deadliest gunman, and a ton of dudes he probably shot) to get the skinny on how SF cleared out almost two dozen cemeteries after the 1906 earthquake and dumped them all down there. Now you're probably thinking, "Whoa, this is insane", and also "what're some random facts that'll make me sound smart and/or sorta-true-but-salacious rumors I can start?" Glad you asked:
Joe DiMaggio, Buried at Holy Cross Cemetery
Random Facts: Best known for his MLB-record 56-game hitting streak, the Yankee Clipper also had sexy times with Marilyn Monroe, was a sergeant in the US Air Force, and made his pro debut with the now-defunct San Francisco Seals in 1932.
Sorta-True-But-Still-Salacious Rumor: DiMaggio once tore his ligaments getting out of a jitney, which may not sound salacious to you, until you look up jitney and realize it's basically an illegal taxi!
William Randolph Hearst, Buried at Cypress Lawn Memorial Park
Random Facts: The Godfather of the newspaper industry, Hearst was kicked outta Harvard for bribing professors, had a really big castle in Central California, and started the San Francisco Examiner in 1887.
Sorta-True-But-Still-Salacious Rumor: Believe it or not, Hearst also actually launched the magazines Cosmopolitan, Redbook, and Tiger Beat, which he originally intended to just be an illustrated compendium of all the different ways you can pummel large striped cats.
Wyatt Earp, Buried at Hills of Eternity Cemetery
Random Facts: A badass gunman who once shot three dudes in 30 seconds at the OK Corral because Val Kilmer/Doc Holliday winked at them, Earp has a town named after him in the Mojave, was at one point a boxing referee in SF, and won his first race horse in a card game.
Sorta-True-But-Still-Salacious Rumor: Contrary to the popular belief that Wyatt Earp became friends with Val Kilmer/Doc Holliday because he saved his life during a bar confrontation in Texas, they were actually already friends from the future who traveled back to the Old West to stop Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen from murdering Family Ties' Alex P. Keaton.
Photo by Sharon Mollerus via Flickr