Fact: the thing that differentiates most San Francisco apartments from apartments in the rest of the United States is that we pay nine gazillion dollars a month to live in ours. But it's not just the astronomical prices that set our homes apart from everyone else's. No, it's the weird paint colors, original crown molding, and these 17 other quirks that make our apartments distinctly SF.
Fireplaces that don't work
Since basically every day in SF is a "Spare the Air" day, you can't burn wood anyway. You can, however, try to burn your apartment down by filling your sealed-off fireplace with lots and lots of candles.
Old-school ice boxes
If it's still intact, then the door will be insulated with a tube running down the back so melted water can drain into the sink.
If it isn't still intact, it'll be filled with your Scotch.
Door levers in the wall
These magical levers open the front door from the top of the stairs, and if you live in a place with one of these and it still works, you're stoked. There's nothing worse than walking down a steep flight of stairs just to let your booty call in.
Turns out they're called "bay" windows because they create a bay in the room. A bay that literally fits not one single piece of your furniture. Fun times.
Intercoms from the 1920s
That still work and are, actually, the only way to know who's downstairs.
It's just like kindergarten, only now you're a grownup and you don't get to take mid-day naps. Still: any storage is good storage.
Mini doors on front doors
It's like being the gate keeper of your very own castle!
Gratuitous puppy pic.
Murder-y back staircases
We don't really want to think about if these were for the "help" or just an alternate route in case of fire. Probably because we know the answer.
The ironing board that lives in the wall
From a time when, apparently, people ironed.
What? When's the last time you ironed your hoodie? Exactly.
Toilets with attached sinks
You flush and, IMMEDIATELY after you do, water comes out of the faucet to fill up the tank, and that's the water with which you wash your hands. Because, San Francisco.
Oh, did you think your apartment was going to come with doors you could actually shut? THINK AGAIN. Still, they're charming, or something?
Hahahaha you thought you'd be able to put a nail in that plaster wall? Hahahahahahahaha.
The built-in can opener and bottle opener
While most cans don't need openers anymore...
... there's absolutely nothing wrong with knowing where you can find a bottle opener at all times.
French doors with windows
That don't lead to a garden, but rather to another room. Inside. Which begs the question: why have doors at all? Oh, right. Because the only way anyone can afford to live in SF is if there's someone sleeping in every single room. And at least those doors will muffle the "snoring" a little bit?
It's basically a pantry unit with screen-covered vents that lead to the exterior of the house to let in cool, outside air -- perfect for preventing your cheese from sweating and stinking up your regular cabinets in the pre-refrigerator era, and for storing random DVDs/St. Patrick's Day party supplies during the post-refrigerator era.
Will your radiator hiss and moan and clank at all hours of the night? Absolutely. Will you complain? No. Because steam heat is FREE.
Sinks in closets
Care to wager on how many times that thing has been peed in?
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Daisy Barringer is the SF Editor for Thrillist and one time a boy peed in her closet even though there was no sink in there. Follow her on Twitter @daisy for more stories like that.