Lifestyle

49 Signs You're an SF Douchebag

San Francisco has almost 850,000 people living in a space that's only seven miles by seven miles. And, sadly, it's just a fact that way too many of those people do something douchey on a fairly regular basis. And sure, we're not douchey in the same way New Yorkers are -- we don't steal cabs (usually), catcall women on the street (often), or think we're better than everyone else (rather, we just know it to be true) -- but SF still has its own special brand of douche.

Are you part of it? Depends on how many of these 49 items you check off...

1. You're Mark Zuckerberg

 

2. You fly in a private jet to Burning Man

 

3. You offered more rent than asking just to ensure you'd get the apartment

 

4. You eat all of your meals at your tech company's cafeteria

 

5. You're Peter Shih

 

6. You're a landlord who's evicted someone under the Ellis Act

 

7. You reach the front of whatever terrible line you're waiting in and don't put down your phone

 

8. You don’t offer your seat to the old/disabled/pregnant person on the bus

9. You keep your iPhone on the table when you're out to dinner with friends

 

10. You try to order a Bud Light at Toronado

 

11. You've taken an Uber a block or less

 

12. You joined The League

 

13. You didn't get your kids vaccinated

14. Your car is a Tesla

And you park it like this.
 

15. You still pop your collar

While wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops and walking to brunch at The Tipsy Pig.
 

16. You moved to SF and are living in SF...

... but are raising your kid to be a fan of whatever your stupid hometown team is.
 

17. You're a Republican

Seriously, WHY DO YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO?
 

18. You deduct the Healthy SF restaurant fee from the tip

 

19. You're a native who has to tell everyone that you're a native

And doesn't care about the opinions of anyone who wasn't born at a hospital inside the 7x7.
 

20. You throw $10 million, permit-less weddings in Big Sur

 

21. You go to funding parties

22. You bring your cat to Dolores Park, on a leash

 

23. You include the Gold Cane on a list of SF's douchiest bars

Zeitgeist, sure. But the Gold Cane? No.
 

24. You Instagram your CSA box

 

25. You call it "San Fran"

 

26. You have a vesting schedule

 

27. You're a member of The Battery

28. You celebrate the Giants winning by burning things

And see it as the perfect opportunity for a Tinder selfie.
 

29. You take up more than one seat on Muni

By either manspreading or backpack-on-the-seat-next-to-you... spreading.
 

30. You thought the soda tax was a good idea

 

31. You kick a couple, who flew from Chicago to get engaged at your bar, out of your bar

 

32. You consistently run red lights on your bicycle

 

33. You bring permits to public soccer fields

 

34. You judge people who eat fast food

 

35. You're a Seahawks fan

36. You Tweet about your first class upgrade from the yoga room at SFO

 

37. You owned Google Glass

 

38. You bring your hula hoop to Dolores Park

 

39. You own a bar that's cash-only

 

40. You post your run times on Twitter

Guess who cares that you ran 2.3 miles in under half an hour? NO ONE.

41. You have an Apple sticker on the back of your Prius

 

42. You run a company called Man Skills Academy

That teaches "You are Tyler Durden."
 

43. You yell at the riot police "My Uber's down there!"

 

44. You're a Dodgers fan

 

45. You're this 19-year-old

 

46. You use the word "disrupt" to describe your app

 

47. You wear your backpack on the bus

 

48. You've stolen someone else's Uber

 

49. You write articles like these

Or leave comments telling me I shouldn't write articles like these because I'm OBVIOUSLY not from here, even though I moved here when I was six. Go ahead. Do it. You know you want to.

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Daisy Barringer is Thrillist's SF Editor. If you took this article way too seriously, then definitely be sure to call her a douchebag on Twitter @daisy.