49 Signs You're an SF Douchebag
San Francisco has almost 850,000 people living in a space that's only seven miles by seven miles. And, sadly, it's just a fact that way too many of those people do something douchey on a fairly regular basis. And sure, we're not douchey in the same way New Yorkers are -- we don't steal cabs (usually), catcall women on the street (often), or think we're better than everyone else (rather, we just know it to be true) -- but SF still has its own special brand of douche.
Are you part of it? Depends on how many of these 49 items you check off...
1. You're Mark Zuckerberg
2. You fly in a private jet to Burning Man
3. You offered more rent than asking just to ensure you'd get the apartment
4. You eat all of your meals at your tech company's cafeteria
5. You're Peter Shih
6. You're a landlord who's evicted someone under the Ellis Act
7. You reach the front of whatever terrible line you're waiting in and don't put down your phone
8. You don’t offer your seat to the old/disabled/pregnant person on the bus
9. You keep your iPhone on the table when you're out to dinner with friends
10. You try to order a Bud Light at Toronado
11. You've taken an Uber a block or less
12. You joined The League
13. You didn't get your kids vaccinated
14. Your car is a TeslaAnd you park it like this.
15. You still pop your collarWhile wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops and walking to brunch at The Tipsy Pig.
16. You moved to SF and are living in SF...... but are raising your kid to be a fan of whatever your stupid hometown team is.
17. You're a RepublicanSeriously, WHY DO YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO?
18. You deduct the Healthy SF restaurant fee from the tip
19. You're a native who has to tell everyone that you're a nativeAnd doesn't care about the opinions of anyone who wasn't born at a hospital inside the 7x7.
20. You throw $10 million, permit-less weddings in Big Sur
21. You go to funding parties
22. You bring your cat to Dolores Park, on a leash
23. You include the Gold Cane on a list of SF's douchiest barsZeitgeist, sure. But the Gold Cane? No.
24. You Instagram your CSA box
25. You call it "San Fran"
26. You have a vesting schedule
27. You're a member of The Battery
28. You celebrate the Giants winning by burning thingsAnd see it as the perfect opportunity for a Tinder selfie.
29. You take up more than one seat on MuniBy either manspreading or backpack-on-the-seat-next-to-you... spreading.
30. You thought the soda tax was a good idea
31. You kick a couple, who flew from Chicago to get engaged at your bar, out of your bar
32. You consistently run red lights on your bicycle
33. You bring permits to public soccer fields
34. You judge people who eat fast food
36. You Tweet about your first class upgrade from the yoga room at SFO
37. You owned Google Glass
38. You bring your hula hoop to Dolores Park
39. You own a bar that's cash-only
40. You post your run times on TwitterGuess who cares that you ran 2.3 miles in under half an hour? NO ONE.
41. You have an Apple sticker on the back of your Prius
42. You run a company called Man Skills AcademyThat teaches "You are Tyler Durden."
43. You yell at the riot police "My Uber's down there!"
44. You're a Dodgers fan
45. You're this 19-year-old
46. You use the word "disrupt" to describe your app
47. You wear your backpack on the bus
48. You've stolen someone else's Uber
49. You write articles like theseOr leave comments telling me I shouldn't write articles like these because I'm OBVIOUSLY not from here, even though I moved here when I was six. Go ahead. Do it. You know you want to.
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Daisy Barringer is Thrillist's SF Editor. If you took this article way too seriously, then definitely be sure to call her a douchebag on Twitter @daisy.