With the holiday season fast approaching, odds are you'll need to go to the Apple store soon. If you don't, Apple will release a software update that you can't get unless you're connected to WiFi, your Bluetooth is engaged, you're gyroscoping counterclockwise, and your phone is plugged in… to an outlet at the Apple store. No matter what brings you through the doors, here are 10 people you'll inevitably run into
The 5yr-Old Who Understands Technology Better Than You Did that kid just update his playdates on his calendar WHILE making a Wiggles playlist? Wait, I think he just sold some stock?! Are his parents even here
A Million Apple Employees How the hell are there so many friendly, mildly geeky -- "Why yes, I'm okay, I'm just looking at these headphones thanks". It's like they can read my -- "No, no thanks, don't need any help". God, will they sto-- "Ahh you scared me hiding in the shadows like that! No, I'm just browsing, thank you, I'll let you know when I'm ready to buy something"
A Complete Dearth of Available Apple Employees When You Actually Need One Where did they all go? Did the one guy hiding in the shadows kidnap them all? I just want to buy some screen covers because my broken screen cuts my finger every time I use it
The Old Lady Who Doesn't Understand The Macbook '95 Her Grandkids Bought Her She mostly just uses it to keep up with her grandkids on Facemail, but there's this exiled Nigerian prince she's helping with a big business transaction and she needs it fixed
The Girl Getting The iPhone Gold "OMG well, like, I wasn't gonna get one, but then Becky got one, that bitch. So obvi I had to ask daddy for one so I won't look like I'm poor. Yes, of course I hate Becky".
The Gatekeeper Oh, you don't have an appointment for the Genius Bar? MWHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, I have a cough... you can wait and they might be able to squeeze you in, in an hour or so. But they woooon't, mwhahaha...The Late-In-Life Dad Who Clearly Has No Idea What's Going On His 5yr-old is running around the store trading stocks while his pupils dilate in front of an indiscriminate sea of Macbooks, as his mind drifts to what a stone-cold fox Jaclyn Smith was in the '70s. He does not know how to use Google Images
The European Tourists Who Think They've Walked Into An Art Gallery That's why they're taking pictures, right?
The "Dragged By A Friend" PC-User "This stuff is so overpriced. I've just been playing with this iPad for 45 minutes because I'm waiting for my friend. No... she's definitely around here somewhere"
Homeless Guy Checking His Email Not only does it look like he has a more active social life than you, but his screenname is a good deal funnier/maybe-offensive-but-it's-ok-because-it's-more-clever than yours: email@example.com.