You may have already heard (or not... if you live in Crocker-Amazon), but on Saturday, they started to close down half of Dolores Park for renovations that (hopefully) will only last about six months, to be followed by the second half of the park closing sometime around August. So, what does this mean for you and your paper-bagged tallboy? These 13 things, that's what.
1. The section they're closing now is the Northern-half of the park That means all of the courts and Hipster Hill will be fenced off and inaccessible.
2. Everyone will have to share the area near the playground and the Southeast overlook (aka the Fruit Shelf/Gay Beach) Be prepared for children's birthday parties and people in their underwear. Hopefully not both at once.
3. There won't be any room for soccer games or frisbee Unless you want to stumble over an entire-park's worth of people in half the space (Editor's Note: You don't want to do that).
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4. It'll be easier to spot Truffle Guy And also that one pirate-y dude who literally hacks open coconuts and pours rum into them.
5. You'll find out that Gay Beach does actually have the best view of the city
6. Because there'll be twice as many people in half the amount of space, you might need a geolocating app to find your friends You know, like Tinder or Grindr.
7. You'll be infinitely closer to the kids' playground So, make sure you're brown-bagging or Solo-cupping your park fun.
8. Watch out with that spray-on sunblock Because you will get it in everyone's mouth.
9. No PDA This doesn't really have anything to do with the closures, more of just an "always" type of reminder.
10. The line outside Bi-Rite Creamery will still be exactly the same And by "same" we mean "INSANE".
11. If you can't stand the new crowds, maybe you should check out our guide to literally every other park in SF It also notes which parks have courts to use, in case you want to play tennis/Volleybonk.
12. The improvements will include -- in addition to overall grounds renovations -- improved courts (one of which is a multi-use, because bicycle-polo enthusiasts requested it... seriously), better pathways, and two new restroom buildings so you can stop peeing on the MUNI tracks Even though that's still probably gonna keep happening.
13. Since this will be going on during Spring (SF Summer), Summer (SF Winter), and Autumn (SF Indian Summer), you're gonna need to get there early to stake out space That, or find a friend with roof access.
Joe Starkey is Thrillist's SF Editor and wants to build a snowmaaaaaan. Follow him on Twitter.