13 Ways San Francisco Is Definitely Trying to Kill You

Since you live in San Francisco, you probably pat yourself on the back a lot about what a healthy lifestyle you lead and how you're going to live to be 95. After all, that's what fresh air, getting lots of exercise, eating organic, and drinking in moderation (hahahahaha) are all about, right? And you're probably right. You probably will live to be 95. As long as one of these 13 things doesn't get you first.

Don't say we didn't warn you...

1. This donut from Bob's Donuts

All ONE POUND of it.

2. Bay to Breakers

Technically, you're gonna feel like death the day after, which we're pretty sure counts.

3. Earthquakes

You know it and we know it and yet we all still choose to live here...

4. Measles

Thanks a lot Marin Moms. Thanks a lot.

5. Jed York

If you're gonna have an aneurysm while you live in SF, this man is going to give it to you.

6. Levi's Stadium

If Jed doesn’t get you, the scorching temps at this murder sauna of a stadium will.

7. The Pacific Ocean

No, not great whites. Hypothermia. And the rip tide. Okay, and also sharks.

8. CrossFit & SoulCycle

Not doing them (although, ew), but rather dying of boredom while your friends who are fanatics go on and on about how great they are.

9. These raccoons

Who are just stone-cold chillin' in the middle of the day, rules of nature be damned.

10. Drones

Let's be real: it’s just a matter of time before one crashes into your face.

11. Eating the edibles at Dolores Park

Fine, you'll just think you're dying, but still.

12. This coyote

If not you, then your dog. Which, frankly, is almost worse.

13. Sitting on that one BART seat

You know which one we're talking about.

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Daisy Barringer is Thrillist's SF Editor. After the Loma Prieta earthquake, she sobbed and asked her Mom, "WHY DO WE LIVE HERE?" Apparently the answer was really good as she's still in SF. You can also find her on Twitter @daisy.