Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
You are a child of the ‘90s. Will Smith will always be the Fresh Prince, you owned a Sony Discman -- with skip protection! -- and the first time you drank a beer from a pint glass and not through a funnel, it was Sierra. The fact that the original gateway craft beer is still your go-to suggests that you're not exactly the adventurous sort. You know what you like and you stick with it. Switching things up for you means getting your double double "Animal Style". And when it’s time for a new computer... dude, you’re getting a Dell.
Knee Deep Hoptologist Double IPA
Three letters: IBU. Ever hear of that thing called balance? No, of course you haven’t. Because you live your life to the extreme, and you want your beer to taste like a rusty tin can. You anxiously await that ever-elusive septuple IPA: Hoptoproctologist. That’s a buttload of hops, right there.
Speakeasy Prohibition Ale
Shhh. This is your local, little secret. Because you support only small, independent businesses... like, uh, La Boulange, and, um, In-N-Out. You’re a rugged individualist. The Teddy Roosevelt of the 21st century. Speak softly and carry a big sixpack. You get down on easy-listening classics of the '80s, with the Hall and Oates Pandora station on heavy rotation. Yet your good taste in beer is belied by a questionable choice in living area. Sure, rental prices are cheaper and parking is easier, but the Outer Sunset? Really? Come on, guy.
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Brad Japhe is a professional drinker and craft beer consultant. Which means he has a big belly and a small income. When he's not waiting in line for Pliny the Younger, he's bitching about the mindless lemmings who are. The easiest way to cyber-bully him is on Twitter @braphe, or in an AOL chatroom, which he still accesses through his mom's dial-up modem.