Tonight, our beloved San Francisco Giants take on the Kansas City Royals in Game 1 of the World Series. Everyone's being super nice about the Royals, like we're supposed to feel bad for them since they suck so badly they haven't won jack in almost 30 years. Well, screw that, and screw the Royals: here are 13 reasons they're actually the worst.
This Epic Gadget Lets You Sit Down While You Ski Kansas City Royals 1. Everyone's rooting for them
No, seriously. They’re suddenly "America’s Team". You know who else is "America’s Team"? The Dallas Cowboys. Enough. Said.
2. They don’t even play in Kansas Flickr/Charles Sollars 3. Ned Yost looks like an even sadder, more pathetic Eeyore
And he manages like one too.
Kansas City Royals 4. The Royals fans were 25th in attendance this year
That means there are only five teams whose fans suck more. They're not even the best at sucking the most. Let that sink in for a minute.
Back to the Future Trilogy 5. They haven’t even won their division since their last World Series appearance
And that was 29 years ago. You know, when
Back to the Future was in theaters. The first one. Not the sequels. The American Royal 6. Nope, not named after something cool like kings and queens
They’re actually named after, wait for it...
a LIVESTOCK SHOW. Moooooooo. Canaryville Little League 7. After missing their 28th straight postseason in 2013, their GM said "In a small way, I feel like we've won the World Series."
Well Dayton Moore, if you feel like you won the World Series when you didn’t even make the playoffs, maybe you don’t understand baseball and shouldn’t get to win, you know, THE ACTUAL World Series.
Twitter/Ryan Fagan Paul Ryan Kansas City Royals 10. Owner David Glass was the CEO of Walmart when they were busted for lying about stuff being "Made in America"
How’d he handle it? By storming out of a
Dateline interview. Again, worst. Wikimedia Commons
And probably can’t even afford a real motorcycle thanks to his crappy salary.
Twitter/Ryan Fagan 12. The fans don’t understand that all witticisms are automatically made obsolete...
... when paired with a CAPE.
Paul Rudd 13. Paul Rudd invited everyone to his Mom's house for a kegger after the Royals won the ALCS
Except NOT REALLY. There are some things one should never joke about and one of those is a keg party.
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