Lifestyle

13 reasons why the Kansas City Royals are the worst

Published On 10/21/2014 Published On 10/21/2014

Tonight, our beloved San Francisco Giants take on the Kansas City Royals in Game 1 of the World Series. Everyone's being super nice about the Royals, like we're supposed to feel bad for them since they suck so badly they haven't won jack in almost 30 years. Well, screw that, and screw the Royals: here are 13 reasons they're actually the worst.

Kansas City Royals

1. Everyone's rooting for them

No, seriously. They’re suddenly "America’s Team". You know who else is "America’s Team"? The Dallas Cowboys. Enough. Said.

Wikimedia Commons

2. They don’t even play in Kansas

Flickr/Charles Sollars

3. Ned Yost looks like an even sadder, more pathetic Eeyore

And he manages like one too.

Kansas City Royals

4. The Royals fans were 25th in attendance this year

That means there are only five teams whose fans suck more. They're not even the best at sucking the most. Let that sink in for a minute.

Back to the Future Trilogy

5. They haven’t even won their division since their last World Series appearance

And that was 29 years ago. You know, when Back to the Future was in theaters. The first one. Not the sequels.

The American Royal

6. Nope, not named after something cool like kings and queens

They’re actually named after, wait for it... a LIVESTOCK SHOW. Moooooooo.

Canaryville Little League

7. After missing their 28th straight postseason in 2013, their GM said "In a small way, I feel like we've won the World Series."

Well Dayton Moore, if you feel like you won the World Series when you didn’t even make the playoffs, maybe you don’t understand baseball and shouldn’t get to win, you know, THE ACTUAL World Series.

Twitter/Ryan Fagan

8. These guys

Paul Ryan
Kansas City Royals

10. Owner David Glass was the CEO of Walmart when they were busted for lying about stuff being "Made in America"

How’d he handle it? By storming out of a Dateline interview. Again, worst.

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11. Jarrod Dyson is a really bad dancer

And probably can’t even afford a real motorcycle thanks to his crappy salary.

Twitter/Ryan Fagan

12. The fans don’t understand that all witticisms are automatically made obsolete...

... when paired with a CAPE.

Paul Rudd

13. Paul Rudd invited everyone to his Mom's house for a kegger after the Royals won the ALCS

Except NOT REALLY. There are some things one should never joke about and one of those is a keg party.

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