12 reasons the Denver Broncos totally suck

Published On 01/22/2014 Published On 01/22/2014

Next Sunday, the Seahawks are playing in a bowl that's even bigger than the one you put your Cinnamon Toast Crunch in, Super Bowl XLVIII. And even though the media's endless fawning over Peyton Manning means you probably know all you need to about their opponents, we've helpfully listed a few of the reasons the Denver Broncos are the absolute worst, so you can adequately troll your Mile High-loving friends/blood enemies.

City of Boulder

1. They play in a city that's biggest rival is... ugh, Boulder?

Peyton Manning Denver Broncos

2. Omaha!

Peyton Manning Denver Broncos


Peyton Manning Denver Broncos

4. O.... maha!

Denver Broncos

5. And speaking of Peyton Manning, this guy's 37, he's coming off multiple neck surgeries, and he just had the greatest year ever. We're not saying he's cheating, but... he's cheating.

6. And look at the way he treats kids!

Flickr User mararie

7. The Broncos also allegedly like cheating shady off-Strip casinos out of $15 worth of chips. And then getting arrested for it.

Von Miller

8. Unlike our star defensive players, Bronco Von Miller got suspended for drugs that you weren't prescribed in middle school, or aren't now totally legal in both Washington and Colorado. 

Denver Broncos

9. Do you think their running back Know(shon)s how silly his name is?

Flickr User enlewof

10. Two words: Bill Romanowski, who is probably about to punch the weaklings in this photograph with him.

Denver Broncos

11. Two more words: John Elway. That guys sucks...

Denver Broncos

12. ... Especially at running a team, since he drafted Rahim Moore (yes, that Rahim Moore) in the 2nd round, when he could've had this guy in the 5th. He'll have plenty of time to regret it 12 days from now.