Lifestyle

Learn how to survive when everyone else freaks the eff out

Nine out of 10 people who majored in science agree that the world will end in the next 10 to 5,100,000,000 years. In the event that this does happen (and it will!), are you prepared?

Assuming you answered no or just lied when you said yes, hit the Ballard Community Center on Saturday for Zombie Apocalypse Day and learn the best ways to murder zombies in the face. Or, like, prepare for a crisis and sustain life afterwards or whatever. The smorgasbord of people teaching you how to live on without WiFi include:

Z-Ultimate Self Defense Studio: You think people aren't going to try and steal your purse just because dollars no longer have any real monetary value?

Cascadia Edible Landscapes: They basically teach you how to make gardens in urban areas, but they may also teach you how to eat normal household things, like bushes and paintings by Bob Ross of trees. But probably more the former.

Red Cross: No idea what they do. Sounds religious?

Parkour Visions: Because you're going to need to run around and jump over cars, and scamper up walls when people realize you're hiding edible things from your urban garden in your purse.

Shelf Reliance: These people basically make actually high quality canned foodstuffs for long term preservation. Plus they have something called an emergency preparedness plan so you won't freak out when someone accidentally eats all of your THRIVE Bacon Textured Vegetable Protein 5,100,000,000 years from today.