Lifestyle

Two martial artists and a DC Comics illustrator tell you

Published On 10/14/2011 Published On 10/14/2011

Ever since that day in 1984 when, at the All Valley Karate Tournament, it was conclusively determined that "sweep the leg" is not the answer, people have been clamoring to know how to win a fight. Now two Seattle experts on all things violence (one of whom's also a Franciscan monk) have written a "guide to avoiding and surviving" said violence, complete with chapters on practical techniques, and how to get "down n' dirty", plus badass illustrations from a DC Comics vet behind titles like The Greatest Superman Stories Ever Told, so don't expect to see the one about how they ended up casting Brandon Routh. We asked one of the authors, Kris Wilder, to share some of the tome's most Myagi-like practical advice:

Use Words As A Weapon Because "the best way to win a fight is avoid it", you shouldn't let your ego get you into trouble. Instead, the next time some punk asks if you "want to get your ass kicked", change the subject; Kris suggests calmly asking about something like how the Hawks are gonna do this weekend, though his answer will probably still involve ass-kicking.

Hit With An Open Hand Accidentally hurting yourself instead of the other guy is pretty lame/doesn't help you score cheerleader Elisabeth Shue, so Kris suggests you strike with the pad of your palm -- you deliver the same power without the risk of broken bones -- and never punch with your fist "unless you've got skills", which, if you've also followed the Beastie Boys' advice, you probably already used to pay the bills.

Don't Kick Above The Waist Kicking at someone's head "puts you off-balance" says Kris while pantomiming Daniel's completely invincible and unstoppable! Crane Kick, so keep things low; if someone throws a right cross, defend with your hands and stomp at their left knee, or try a short, fierce, MMA-style kick to thigh/knee, which, if you turn your foot downward, should...um, sweep the leg. Put him in a boddddy bag, Johnny!

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