12 Reasons the New England Patriots Are the Absolute Worst
And you thought the Denver Broncos were bad? This Sunday, for the second straight year, the Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl, and this time they’re playing the only team with a quarterback more detestable than Peyton Manning: the New England Patriots. And while you probably don’t need ‘em, we've helpfully listed a few of the reasons the Pats are the absolute worst, so you can adequately troll your Beantown-loving friends/blood enemies.
1. They cheat at everything.
2. Their owner, Robert Kraft is obsessed with French-cuff shirts and having the Wahlbergs and other marginally famous Boston celebs in his box…
3. … all of which might be okay if he actually owned the cheese company. BUT HE DOESN’T!
4. Their Minutemen squad are a bunch of revolutionary war reenactors. Aka: dorks.
5. No one in Boston was a Pats fan before 1997, and they’re just a Brady retirement away from going back to being fairweather fans.
6. Is it just us or has Tom Brady been doing an impression of Cool Famous Person this whole time?
7. They play in Foxboro, which -- no matter how many Bass Pro Shops they put in it -- is still like a poor man's Walpole.
8. The world doesn't need more tight-end centric erotica.
10. Their fans let people paint graffiti like this on the streets of Boston.
11. Oh, did we mention they (allegedly) kill people?
12. And finally, this (in)glorious response to the Super Bowl Shuffle.
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