The 20 worst decisions you can make in Seattle
You make decisions all the time. Some of 'em are really good, like choosing to live in a city that does so many things so well, and some of 'em are really bad, like these 20 horrible decisions you can make in Seattle...
Going above 85th St., aka Shoreline
Unless you're going to, like, Naked Brewing, in which case you can't go above 86th.
Drinking beer from anywhere else
Washington's got more breweries than anyplace except California (heck, we've got neighborhoods with more breweries than most places), and we've got more per capita than any state except Oregon, which means there are more than enough good local beers for you to choose from.
Not going somewhere 'cause it's too dangerous
Seattle is the fourth safest city in America. Pretty much everywhere is safe.
Turning left on Denny
Or deciding to do any of the other things these people do.
Using 520 for any reason
The Good To Go! pass, is the... um, the opposite of good, and besides who really needs to get to Redmond that badly?
Going to Green Lake on the first sunny day of the year... and taking your shirt off
Yes, dude, you are that pale.
Taking I-5 instead of 509 to the airport
What, did you just move here?
Trying to cross one of the rising bridges at 6pm
Just accept the fact you're not going to Ballard or Fremont after 5:59pm.
Thinking that Dick's Deluxes won't taste better just cause it's 1am
Dude, they WILL. Late-night lines mean they're fresher.
You'll pay more, plus you'll do it later in the day and more often than in almost any other city. Don't do it!
Taking a bus that runs East and West
I mean, are there even any?
Arguing that Portland is better than Seattle in any way
Actually that has never, ever happened here, so who knows what kind of decision that is.
Going to a strip club
No nudity... no alcohol... maybe Portland is better than Seattle... at this one thing anyway.
Dating someone on the Eastside
This isn't going to work out.
Getting lunch in South Lake Union... unless you work there
So many food trucks, sooooo many Amazon workers, and so few parking places.
Not working at a tech company
Dudes who work in tech make decent money, and apparently talking about how you work in tech gets mad chicks since dudes who work in tech won't shut up about it in bars.
Telling your tourist friends you'll do touristy stuff with them
Unless they want to go to Pike Place Market on, like, a Tuesday morning.
Bragging to your friends about the sweet apartment you found for under $1,000 a month
Sure, it's got a big bedroom, a washer/dryer, and secure parking, but now you've got no friends.
Heading up to the pass without chains
Now you've ruined everyone's snowboarding trip.
Going to McDonald's on 3rd and Pike
Remember how we said earlier that every place in Seattle is safe. We may have been wrong about that. Sorry.
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