Texts From My Xes

New York

Texts From My Xes
Texts From My Xes


The internet is great for many things, all of which are horribly humiliating people who desperately care about you. Exhibit A: a Twitter feed putting everyone's business in the streets, called Texts From My Xes.

Started in response to one man's persistent, self-pwning attempts at reconciliation, TFMX features 100% real, crazy, desperate, and flat out weird things that have been sent to the founder's friends and coworkers, whose shared experiences suggest most men out there are incapable of textual seduction. Selected brilliance:

Food: "i ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with dmx tonight. jealous?"..."My buddy just gave me some cupcakes, u want them? I swear I'll just drop them off and leave"..."I don't think i'll ever eat at 5 Guys again without you"...

Sex: "but whatever dude played his cards right dude planted his seed and just swooped right in there so i guess i gotta give him respect and sh*t"..."I think this is all because of your birth control"..."so wait are we just taking a few weeks off? not to be a d*ck but i want to start having sex again. but its not like i need it right away"..."Is this because i slept with your roomate?"...

Spite: "you were more fun when you were skinny anyway"..."go look in the mirror, you're not that hot"..."fine then. you peaked in college anyway"..."i want my beat nova shirt back. i want it back"...

Misc: "last chance to start a life together...you need to let me know soon, i got a date with a teacher"..."My AA sponsor says I shouldn't talk to you"..."In case you're listening to this voicemail first, please disregard the first 13. I was angry"..."i don't see what me breaking your window has anything to do with this"...

And to be sure it's all fair, they've even pulled a few choice texts sent by the ladies, like the ever-feminine "i honestly want to puke when i think of you. i miss you", because the internet is great for many things, all of which involve barfing.

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