Lifestyle

Thanks Professor

Because the field of psychology is mostly BS anyway, try out Thanks Professor: the online office of dapperly dressed canine shrink Professor Fecalhorfer, who, with cheeky aplomb, provides terrifyingly insightful analysis of reader-submitted dreams -- even though really, he shouldn't be allowed up on the couch like that. Choice, Freud-worthy interpretations include:The Loss of PantsThe all-too-familiar dream of walking in public, only to suddenly discover one's pants are missing.Analysis: "Clothing is a metaphor for the identity and as such, it functions in the dream world as a mechanism of security. Beware the tempting pride of your pantslessness, however. If others in your dream are less than pleased by the sudden appearance of your junk, it can mean you've been just a bit too forceful when asserting yourself."The Jimmy Carter FetishA dreamer finds herself not herself, but rather a "middle-aged Quaker" whose chance coital encounter with the 39th President reveals him to be a "superior lover". Weird!Analysis:"The Professor believes former President Carter represents your as yet blooming progressive ideals. You want to believe that your political ideals will roger you gently -- indeed, that they will prove to be superior in every way to the hard and fast political fisting offered by the opposing side."Submit your own dream and there's a fine chance The Prof will post an analysis (the more detailed the submission, the better your odds), though his decent-sized liability disclaimer indicates you shouldn't necessarily follow through on his advice, lest you end up Jung out to dry.