With SXSW just around the corner, there are hundreds of local bands looking for their big break -- but only one European superstar(lette) who might or might not have given up a lucrative career in the sex trade to move to Austin and make it huge. Meet Traffique:
Where are you from?
I'm originally from Romania, but as little lady I married older gentleman in France through Internet and he smelled terrible, so I escaped and worked in brothels in famed district for prostitutes in Paris and that's where I heard about South By South West.
Describe your music.
It is like...Shakira. Exactly like Shakira. Or like U2, except without the thoughts. I don't like the thoughts, they're very distracting.
What instruments do you play?
Well, I don't play any instruments, but I hold guitar. I hold it better than anyone else. I have elderly gentleman who plays and makes demo for me. But I can hold any instrument.
What was the first instrument you held?
Do you feel being an Austin musician gives you an edge?
I assume there is no competition, because I've heard every person that performs during Southby receives independent recording contract. I'm looking forward to this very much.
What advice do you have for out-of-town bands trying to get a record deal here?
My advice is the same advice I was given. What I've been told is that you have to find the line to stand in. And you have pen, always carry pen. Then once you get to the front of the line, you sign record contract. So, my advice is always carry pen.
What are some bands that you're excited about seeing?
I like American band Tom Petty. It's a name of band? That's the only band I like. Most American music is too many thoughts.
So your music is more about feeling?
No, I have no feeling either. All feeling beaten out of me in brothel. However, I believe that if you use no thought in music there is chance of feeling something again.
Who would be an example of that?
A lady, Lala? The man with the egg?
Ah yes, perfect, no thinking.