Lifestyle

11 Texts Every Washingtonian Has Received

Published On 09/08/2015 Published On 09/08/2015
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Unless you’re that one guy in DC still using a flip phone (it’s time to let go, OK Chet?), you’ve definitely received these texts.

 

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Typically after midnight, just as the line has hit its peak.

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Typically after you were just getting near the front of the line and their fifth whiskey sour made them forget you were there.

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Or soccer. Or volleyball. Or jai alai. Rec sports leagues breed like rabbits here.

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Later that night, from the same person: “I’m on U Street come hang out!”

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See you in two hours.

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That explains it.

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People in DC like to act as if getting to Northern Virginia requires the same effort as a transatlantic crossing.

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Translation: “I will drink at the Bullpen, stumble into Nats Park around the fourth inning, and drink at the Red Porch. I will not recall a single play.”

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My omelet will make it acceptable for me to drink like the rapture is coming.

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Fun fact: everyone in DC likes to make it seem like they are trying to balance the federal budget all by themselves. They’ll find a way to come out though. And then send the same text two weeks later. Repeat.

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Typically around 2am. DC works hard and booty calls efficiently.

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