Poll people around the country, and they'll likely have plenty of thoughts on the problems with Washington DC. But they don't have to live here. You do (or you've chosen to, at least), so you're probably familiar with these 99 problems.
1. The first motorcade you witness is cool. The rest throw off your whole day. 2. That whole Northern charm and Southern efficiency thing 3. Every cab: “Cash only. My credit card machine is broken.” 4. First-time Capital Bikeshare riders. In the middle of the street.
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5. Veteran bike riders with their expensive road bikes. On the sidewalk. 6. Lawyer and lobbyist expense accounts make things pricier for the rest of us 7. Related: DC has more lawyers than any US state per capita. In fact, we have 1,356% more lawyers than New York. Can be helpful if you're in trouble, though. 8. Getting bag-shamed on top of that five-cent penalty because you forgot to BYOBag 9. Not enough Michael Wilbon sightings 10. Restaurateurs from 95 North cities (NYC and Philadelphia) dropping in to open steakhouses because they don’t think we can handle something more exciting 11. 8th grade field trips. From everywhere 12. Indignant PoPville comment trolls 13. Having to partake in “shared plates” at every single restaurant. Sometimes you don't want to share. 14. RG III’s knee 15. Bars being super uptight about carding thanks to Summer interns 16. Every restaurant opening is “epic” and “game changing" 17. Marion Barry 18. Fourth of July gunshots that were “probably fireworks” 19. Forgetting the quadrant during your initial cab ride convo
20. This Silver Line lie 21. Not speaking as many languages as your dining companions 22. Barely any BYOBs 23. The Height Act restricts our access to scenic views 24. Too many “black tie” events, not enough “no tie” events 25. Having to carry two phones 26. Hard to find a good authentic Mexican joint 27. Ditto Jewish delis 28. Ovechkin means “little lamb" 29. DC drivers. VA drivers. MD drivers. 30. Music festivals take at least 45 minutes to drive to. Probably more. Because of said drivers. 31. Tripping over Christmas trees that linger on sidewalks until March 32. The Marriott taking away our parking 33. Bryce Harper's health 34. Half-smoke chili stains 35. Mike Shanahan 36. The rent is too damn high 37. “Sorry we don't take reservations" 38. Bike vs. car rage-offs 39. No Metro stop at critical areas like H Street, Georgetown, and we’ll even count AdMo, because that’s a hike after a couple beers 40. $15 “hand-crafted" cocktails 41. WMATA escalators are slow, broken, endless, and full of tourists standing left 42. Summertime sweat stains 43. High heel-related injuries
44. Jeff Bezos not making the call to deliver our newspapers by Amazon drone 45. Big music acts come to DC on a Monday or a Tuesday so they can go to “cooler” cities by the weekend, leaving you needing a work nap 46. It snows every Winter. We still don't know how to handle it. 47. White House Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony lottery = rigged 48. Too many visiting fans at stadiums, which we have not managed to "take back" 49. “I don’t want to go to E Street Cinema for the movie because there’s no cell service" 50. Missing the Circulator 51. Chris Brown’s arrest record 52. Humidity that has its own life force 53. Your friends are training for the Marine Corps Marathon. They will not stop talking about it.
54. Duke grads are EVERYWHERE 55. The hike through people’s homes en route to FedEx Field 56. FedEx Field 57. OPM always makes their snow call either too late or too early 58. The DMV 59. Not having a realistic blow-up doll to put in the passenger seat to fool the HOV patrol 60. Someone wants you to make a "one-time donation" on every corner 61. Our strip clubs seem to collapse 62. Navigating a flooded Rock Creek Park during thundersnow 63. Pepco specializing in prolonging power outages 64. Dave Thomas Circle 65. The music being blasted from the headphones of THAT GUY on the metro is never something good 66. The absence of Spring and Fall 67. The overuse of House of Cards references/the underuse of West Wing references 68. Bobcat-sized rats 69. Half the people you meet can’t tell you what they do for a living
70. The herd of CrossFit "athletes" running you over on the sidewalk 71. We’re still talking about Snowmageddon 72. Metro track work 73. Democrats 74. Republicans 75. Opportunists 76. Name dropping 77. Teddy Roosevelt's President Race prowess 78. Once a year, the country makes fun of us by sending C-list celebrities to DC for the White House Correspondents Dinner 79. Gentrification/not enough gentrification 80. Having to explain just about EVERYTHING to tourists 81. When Food Truck Fiesta is wrong 82. DC drivers actually have to tote around the "Taxation Without Representation" slogan on their license plates
83. Not enough public golf courses or driving ranges… which leads to this 84. Jason Werth’s beard has its own Twitter account 85. Tourists on Segways wearing Google Glass taking up the whole right lane 86. Diplomatic immunity 87. Our NFL team is a national hot-button issue 88. And it's owned by Dan Snyder 89. "This Jumbo Slice won’t fit in my mouth" 90. When it happened twice, no one knew the plural of polar vortex 91. Getting a seat at a beer garden 92. Our most efficient, dedicated government entity is parking enforcement 93. You feel like maybe you're being watched right now 94. You already know the Wizards will mess this offseason up 95. Lying on the pavement at DC public pools 96. Getting busted for sneaking booze into Jazz in the Garden 97. People continuing to fish in the Anacostia River 98. 66, 270, 395, 495, 95 99. Still needing a GPS after years of calling DC home
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