5. Crush thine falafel balls at Amsterdam Falafel
This will allow you to get nearly twice as many toppings into the pita. You want more toppings.
6. Acknowledge from whence thou came and divulgeth your sports allegiances
If you’re from Maryland and pull for the Ravens, you are not from DC.
7. Reward bars and restaurants that offer extra-long happy hours with your presence
… so that more catch on and follow suit.
8. Do the "HBO dance" at Screen on the Green
Or you will be the only one sitting down and it’s impossible to be a wallflower when there are no walls.
9. Watch Veep, House of Cards, Homeland, and Scandal
People will ask you about them and how realistic they are, so you need to have answers ready.
10. Get the hell out of town on July 4th
It's for the best.
11. Learn where all of the speed cameras are in the city
Or else thou shall get a postcard from thine vehicle in the mail, with a picture and everything.