Crystal City Diamond Derby sounds like a battle royale pitting Mervis against Jared to see who's got the bigger family jewels, but is actually an all-day bike party & competition inside a parking garage that's been transformed into an "urban cycling arena" complete with a party lounge, spectator areas, street art, and an outdoor, speed-testing "sprint lane", where hopefully you hit 4Gs. The many spokes of this wheelin' event:
Dandies & Quaintrelles River Ride: Starting at 2p, this casual nine-mile trek along the Potomac ends at the garage, and is, per usual, a fashion-themed foray encouraging bicyclists to don "edgy apparel", so expect everybody to look very sharp.
Diamond Lounge: The spectator HQ will feature a big screen displaying the on-course action, live music throughout the day, free food, and an open (yes, as in free) bar, so plan on showing off your edgy attire to people on the metro heading home.
Open Class Competition: During 20min heats, riders'll attempt to avoid obstacles while racking up laps and diamond-shaped prizes, so expect single female riders in their early 30s to be more engaged in this one.
4X Comps Individual: 120 hardcore amateurs and "wily" vets will duel it out in four-lap heats, with winners advancing to a grand finale. Only "speed demons need apply", so enjoy competing with the haunting issues Keanu's been dealing with ever since he made that movie.
And at the end of the night, they'll be holding a Diamond Derby Ball complete with an awards ceremony, and more importantly, more food, beer, and music, making it worth hitting even if you couldn't cycle in during the day.