Screw Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg. Seriously, screw them hard, because the 26th Annual AVN Awards are coming January 8-11, and they're not nominated. Here's the dirty plan for your whole weekend:
Awards: Hosted by Jenna Haze and Belladonna, the Awards feature 100+ categories (Best MILF, Best Squirting, etc) and such gilded titles as Charlie Wilson's Whore, Strollin' in the Colon and, most cleverly, Daddy! Please Stop F***ing My Friends! Browse hundreds more amazing nominees at AVNAwards.com
Lodging Packages (ha): Since you probably have to sleep somewhere, the Imperial Palace is offering a $679 per person deal (saucily based on triple occupancy) that also gets you tickets to the Awards, an all-access pass to the Adult Entertainment Expo, and entry to Friday's AVN Pre-Party at PURE. Or, upgrade to the $1099 per person (based saucilier on a four-some) Venetian suite deal, including preferred Awards seating and entry to the official AVN After Party at LAX. We're inside of a month, so book now at AVNAwards.com
More Parties: Thursday night head to TAO, where Tera Patrick's hosting the Diva Las Vegas Party, featuring a fashion show of her lingerie line. Friday night, Vivid's throwing their 25th anniversary bash at Tabu, with Best New Starlet nominees Meggan Mallone and Nikki Jayne, plus plenty of other talent unlikely to be found on America's Got Talent. For a shot at the Vivid guest list for you +1 -- or a choice of one of four DVDs -- be among the first to send the correct response to this question to Thrillistavn@gmail.com: Vivid sex-ed expert Tristan Taormino is the niece of which possibly nonexistent author? (To buy DVDs starring the above Best New Starlet nominees, or Best Actress nom's Monique Alexander and Savanna Samson, hit VividSuperstore.com.
If you're more of a romantic, book a PurrfectLV Couples Package; for $460 per couple, you get Awards tickets, plus invites to three exclusive swingers parties -- play your cards right, and you just might find yourself nominated for next year's AVNs, or just banging Billy Crystal.