Bruise Cruise Festival

Cruises have a rep for being dull enough to put you to sleep, except when they go on Oprah and start jumping on couches. But now there's hope, thanks to one that's actually a floating rock festival: Bruise Cruise

Bruise Cruise is a three-day, 400-person seaborne indie rock fest on the Carnival Imagination as it sails to the Bahamas and back, invading 20% of the 2,000-person vessel, and boasting killer live shows, meals, some drinks, and access to on-board amusements like a water park, mini golf, a kids-free hot tub zone, and gambling like poker, roulette, and craps, which likely won't be found in those hot tubs, as they're kid-free. There'll be two shows a day from acts like punk rockers The Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Oh Sees, Ty Segall, Turbo Fruits, Strange Boys, the maybe-even-stranger Jacuzzi Boys, Quintron and Miss Pussycat (blends electro and 'Nawlins dance tunes with puppetry), and Surfer Blood's Dick Dale-ish brand of psychedelic pop, also the likely name of anyone's dad who tagged along to this thing. There'll also be open-bar cocktail hours and a Puppetry and Pancakes breakfast show with Miss P-cat, a mid-cruise day in Nassau for swimming with the dolphins, and a concert at Señor Frog's with BC bands and NYC DJ Jonathan Toubin doing his famed Soul Clap Dance-Off, where band members rate a booty-shakin' tourney performed to James Brown tunes like "Night Train" and "Super Bad", even though people seem to think that's a George Michael joint

Bonus awesomeness while afloat includes a bottle of wine in your room upon arrival and another comp bottle during a dinner with other Bruisers, plus there's a 24hr on-the-house soft serve ice cream machine, and when you return to your cabin each night you'll find your bed decorated with a "towel animal", which's also what they called Cruise in the more-vigorous locker room scenes in All The Right Moves.