Sure, geeks have revolutionized the world with innovations in everything from microprocessing (Pentium) to microfiber (ShamWow!), but have they contributed to humanity's most vital pursuit, getting tore up? They have now, with Firkin Wednesdays at Standard Tap
Sounding more like an overdub from USA Pulp Fiction broadcasts than a medieval unit of measurement, "firkins" are baby kegs with air-drawn tap systems that attract mad beer-geek love by promoting the cask conditioning and natural carbonation of complex but not-ready-for-prime-time ales, all resulting in a smooth, English pub-style brew. To spread the yeasty love, the cozy NoLibs gastropub now cracks open a firkin every Wednesday at six, announcing the occasion with a ceremonious gong smash followed by shouts of, "It's firkin time!" -- resulting in self-conscious stripping and condom scavenging among first-time firkers. Adhering to the Tap's rule of only serving suds brewed within 100 miles of the bar, firkins are specially loaded with the likes of PBC Rowhouse Red, Lancaster Hop Hog, and Tröegs' "Nugget Nectar", which leans towards an IPA but's technically an imperial amber, and regardless still has no freakin' pot in it
The goods themselves are often hand-delivered by their respective brewmasters, who stick around to answer questions, prattle on about the evils of mass-produced swill and -- if you stand too close during the medieval tapping process -- miraculously sop up your drenched body with a ShamWow.