It's hard to throw cool parties if you don't know the right people, as evidenced by your middle school parties, high school parties, college parties, and your sexy Battleship party, which totally sunk'd. To enjoy someone succeeding where you failed, hit SOM. Soft opening tomorrow night in the old Pink space, SOM.'s a deceptively big n' swanky nightclub from an East Bayer who's been promoting/DJing for, like, ever, and who steadfastly believes his house/hip hop/latin/rock/etc nights'll attract the best peeps and transcend other Bay Area parties, so step aside, Kimo's! The totally redone space lies behind a massive wooden door with a circular peephole, and boasts a fifty foot walnut bar, plush leather booth seating, a wide open cement dancefloor-cum-soundstage, a spectacular wall composed of old vino bottles, and an outdoor "patio" caged off from the sidewalk -- think Rye, or that one time you were hanging out on the sidewalk, in a cage. The bar's pourin' a slew of not-too-fancy specialty concoctions made from its vast collection of bourbon, tequila, gin, and pisco, with all fresh juices and herbs, but the real magic's what they're calling the Shotwell -- a super-quick-service, cash-only area at the end of the bar for beer and shots only, which, by the end of the night, you'll be calling ShotNotGoingWell because ShotJustMadeMeThinkItsOkToWearMy SunglassesDespiteItBeingDark. SOM.'s playing host to a rotating mix of eclectic art, starting out with intricate black n' white ink designs from Oakland's Halsey Chait, and Misako Inaoka's bizarre sculptures of animal hybrids, e.g., a handicapped buffalo with a bird's head gingerly using a walker, which despite its decrepitude could throw a rager B4 you even C2 people.