While people in cities with real climates are already stocking up on Maui Jims and Banana Boat bronzer, to you, summer means walking to work in the same fog/sunny cold, but with more happy, out-of-school children to creepily smile at. For summer shades built for your plight, try Mosley Tribes
Dropping even as you read this, LA-based Tribes describes their summer collection as "Autumn/Winter looks and colors": classic-inspired, low-key frames in a subdued palette, antithetical to the bright pieces of sh*t you're meant to drunkenly lose at the beach. Models start with two pairs of double-bridged aviators: the oversized, squarish Dunn, handcrafted of nickel alloy, finished gold or chrome with concave olive/brown/grey lenses; and the smaller, teardrop-shaped Raynes, in forest, chocolate, and silver, with optional photochromatic lenses that "self-adjust", for all you lazy eyes out there. The big and boxy Bromley's lenses're encased in oak, navy, or horn acetate, while the retro-ish Flynn boasts angular frames and translucent acetate temples in dark or tiger tortoise, which will win the race, and celebrate by mauling Roy
The collection's one bright, summery model's the thick, wayfarer-esque Free City 2, which comes in pink, purple, red, and checkered colorways, which really do look best on the beach, as you watch children run around in those oh-so-sexy fleeces.