Your pops keeps two areas of his life a closely guarded secret: how he obtained his sass-quashing old-man strength, and what he really wants for Father's Day. To help with the latter, we brought in Patrick Duffy, the Ultimate Dad, a title he earned by successfully raising many television children and sleeping with Suzanne Somers. OK, it was implied. And on TV. But, still, rock on Patrick Duffy:
Bad-Ass Golf Carts
This Sin City mod-shop tricks out golf carts into roadsters, limos, hummers, and more, then blings things up with 20-inch rims, leather seats, A/C, and plasma TVs, making your dad the envy of every gangsta rapper on the 12th fairway.
The Ultimate Dad's Take: I think these are so cool. I think I would do the Munster's giant hearse, because then you could lay down between holes, as long as you're moving every once in a while so they don't close the lid.
Read More | Custom-order one at BadAssGolfCarts.com
Wolfgang's Vault Vintage Rock Goods
Snag pops old-school apparel, posters, photos, and backstage goodies from the likes of Hendrix, the Allman Brothers, and CSNY, all blissful reminders of the day Dad broke up his band and became an accountant.
The Ultimate Dad's Take: Those things are cool for dads, because we don't know sh*t about modern music. If you got it as a Father's Day present, you'd probably give it to your wife anyway. It's emotional...you immediately get the love jones going again. Let's hope you both seize the moment...and she seizes it quicker.
Read More | Get the goods at WolfsgangsVault.com
This SF outfit offers a massive multi-pocketed travel wallet as well as a super-slim money clip with slots for an ID and what few credit cards you've left him with.
The Ultimate Dad's Take: I went from a wallet in college, then to handbags, 'cause we're talking the 60s and we all had shoulder bags, then I went to a fanny pack. It's not like you need a huge wallet...if there's space, you'll fill it. And so I got a slim wallet. You can put it anywhere on your body and hide it from pickpockets. You just put it in your sock, they think you're going for your gun...but that's in the other sock, they don't know that.
Read More | Nab one at gusstyle.com
Send this e-shop $10, and they'll send dad...something. So, when it sucks, it's only kind of your fault.
The Ultimate Dad's Take: This is what gift receiving is about: the surprise. I was doing a play in London, and I got a book called "Famous English Recipes", which I thought was an oxymoronic statement. It's like 97 ways to cook fish & chips...Page 2, with or without vinegar; Page 3, with or without vinegar.
Read More | Roll the dice at SomethingStore.com
Unlike most units, this in-car number's fully hooked up to the 'net, and also provides live traffic data that'll direct you towards the fastest route -- giving dad a hyperintelligent computer to disagree with when mom's not around.
The Ultimate Dad's Take: Out of all these gifts, this one's the most brilliant. It pissed me off, about two years ago, I was sitting around and said, wouldn't it be cool if you could mesh GPS up-to-the-second traffic reports? Of course, I never did anything. But you don't want to just stay idling in traffic with $4.50 gas. And road rage and drive-bys. It could solve all the problems of this country.
Read More | Grab a unit at Dash.net
Death to Argyle Golf Shirts
Spruce up the big guy's links-drobe with these golfing alterna-polos, featuring devils hanging over the shoulder and toy soldier crests (actual toy soldiers, not Louis Gosset Jr.).
The Ultimate Dad's Take: Every golfer has the newest gadget, GPS, or some lightning detector, so this is the next step. Tiger started this whole thing -- you used to have to have a normal collared shirt to golf anywhere. So the next step has to be a gargoyle crawling over your shoulder with a caddy in his mouth. I love that kind of stuff.
Read More | Pick up some polos at DeathToArgyle.com
Roadside Sandwich Maker
The old man can plug this press into his cigarette lighter and get his sandwiches all deliciously toasty even as he cruises to pick up a refill on his sandwich-combating cholesterol meds.
The Ultimate Dad's Take: It's like in the old days when people would wrap food in foil and then put in on the manifold of their car. That's kind of the antique version of making a panini in your backseat. I think I made a panini in my backseat in college once, but we won't go into that.
Read More | Pick it up at SkingCompany.com