Because you're going to need something to fill the Olympic void, sear the image of Bob Costas's plastic surgery-scorned face out of your mind by diving head first into Local 149's Tiki Week, a seven-day carnival of wood-carved statues and exotic cocktails that literally packs a punch (as in tropical spirits, come on) with two parties, free-flowing rum, and a lineup of tasty Polynesian plates. Here's what you can get:
Every Night: Exotic drinks! Like, tons of them. From Dave's Dr. Funk (an absinthe, rum, and pomegranate concoction), to the Lemon Hart 151 & cherry Anklebreaker, to a brandy, gin, and ginger beer-blended number dubbed the Suffering Bastard, as it's exactly what you'll be after a week of drinking these things. You'll also be able to crush a sick assemblage of small-bite Polynesian vittles that run the gamut from wild boar ribs w/ lychee BBQ, beef jerky, and pineapple/ ham-topped pepper jack burgers, to mahi mahi sammies, pork buns, and kick
his ass sea bass ceviche
Thursday Night And Beyond: A rum soiree highlighted by island music, a raffle with a secret big prize (Carlos Quintana's Roslindale studio apt?!?), and gratis versions of the aforementioned Polynesian vittles. Or if you need bigger bites, sit down to their Poly Prix Fixe chock-full of stuff you saw them eat in Blue Crush, like Hawaiian BBQ & baked beans w/ daikon radish slaw, a spicy lemon honey tuna poke w/ creamy macadamia & lychee vinaigrette, and Pipikaula short ribs accompanied by pickled mango
Saturday: Closing ceremonies complete with a moving tribute to Tiki innovator Donn Beach, which NBC will edit out to broadcast more women's weightlifting! Or maybe just a final bash that starts in the morning on the beach (before moving back to the bar) complete with more exotic cocktails (!) and two hours of half-priced charcuterie & sea swimmers from the raw bar.